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Do you help the kids buy holiday gifts for your ex and/or BM?

I am divorced & I always make sure that I take my DS, age 6, & DD, age 5 out shopping for their Dad prior for his birthday, Christmas, & Father's Day. I feel it is important for them to select a gift for him & be able to give it to him. I don't spend a lot of money (I don't have it, lol), for example, last Christmas my son was really into Nerf dart guns so he wanted to give one to his Dad so they could have a "war" at his house. I thought it was a great idea. For his birthday, the kids got him a new aquarium fish as one of his died. What about you? Do you encourage the kids to buy gifts for their father, even if you are divorced? Or, if you are a step mom, do you help your kids select gifts for their BM?


Asked by funnyface1204 at 1:39 AM on May. 16, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 3 (19 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • I think it's a great idea, you are doing it for your children more then for your ex. It teaches your children the importance of acknowledging people who are important to them. I am not divorced but my parents were divorced. My mother use to help us with presents for my father and I loved it. My father never helped us with presents for my mom and it made me feel a little alone, I was a little jealous of my friends who's fathers would bring them to go get presents for their moms. Luckily my uncle picked up on this and began bringing me and to this day I am very thankful for him doing this. I think you are doing a great thing, some parents are so worried about making a point not to buy a present for their ex that they end up not realizing that it may be effecting their child.

    Answer by michelle0228 at 1:53 AM on May. 16, 2009

  • I will do that for my son as soon as all the legal BS is out of the way. It's a long story. But as long as we can afford it i will buy each of my children's mothers a card for Christmas. And, depending on the parents initiated involvment, i will also do a mothers day card. Probably not the birthday, idk. it just wasnt common in my family for children to get their parents birthday gifts. Not until the children where adults.

    Answer by outstandingLove at 1:52 AM on May. 16, 2009

  • Oh, whoops, as for the step mom that's up to you but I kind of think their father should be responsible for that, but good for you if your doing it anyways.

    Answer by michelle0228 at 1:55 AM on May. 16, 2009

  • No matter your role, encourage gift giving, even if it is on the cheap.

    Answer by motofamily at 2:17 AM on May. 16, 2009

  • We always take our son, 7, to the dollar store before Christmas so that he can get everyone in the family a gift. That includes his BM and her boyfriend. We make a card for Mother's day, but don't do the birthday thing. As he gets older, he will do that on his own, but until he has the means, we help him out.

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 3:57 AM on May. 16, 2009

  • goodIn the years to come you will never regret doing that and it will make things so much easier in life.I had that type of relationship with my x and his wife  and never regret it and it helped my girls.,whom are now wonderful young ladies.


    Answer by Kat122 at 5:41 AM on May. 16, 2009

  • To be honest, I have never encouraged my son to get his father anything, nor would I ever want them to get me something (especially the SM). But my son is turning 4 this year and his father and I have learned how to communicate better, so perhaps this year my son will want to get his father something and I won't refuse. In the past, I felt that my son was too young and any gift given would be from me, which is not something I care to do. So now that my son is older, while I may not encourage it, I'll ask him if he wants to get his dad something and let him decide what it is (within reason). And for the first time, when my son makes a father's day gift at school, it might actually get to his father! (honestly, I tried last year, but just couldn't do it.)

    Answer by JPsMommy605 at 9:24 AM on May. 16, 2009

  • You divorced him. His kids didn't divorce them. At this point, they depend on you to teach them to remember their dad at the specieal times. When they get old enough, you have taught them to think of someone other than themselves. You don't want to buy him anything, but it's not about you. So, you are doing well, Keep it up./

    Answer by jesse123456 at 1:48 PM on May. 16, 2009

  • I never help pick out a gift, I just give him $5.00 and say get your mom a card or something. I hate even doing that cuz she sure dont deserve it.

    Answer by mom_wrhsc at 6:30 PM on Jun. 4, 2009