Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

What do you suggest?

Last feb. my husband lost his job, then we lost our house, our son was only 6 months old. We moved to Florida, where I am from and in with my dad, well my husband didn't find a job until October 2008, and then got layed off in April, my dad then began hating my husband because he wasn't taking care of his family properly. So we moved in with my mom, back to North Carolina. We're also expecting baby #2 in 5 weeks, and our son is 21 months old. Yes we have a lot of issues but my husband and I never have time alone since we have been living with other people, and we have no money to do anything. We've drifted apart almost completely, our sex life is non existant and we just don't communicate anymore at all. I feel like we should separate because we're constantly bickering and putting each other down. But I love him, and we're fixing to have another baby, I want my family together, I'm tired of fighting.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:54 AM on May. 16, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • I really feel bad for you and can relate. my first marriage was like that, then came the divorce. I'm certainly not suggesting that you get a divorce, but I do suggest you try the agreement that my current husband and I have.

    We attack the problem, not each other.


    It works.  We are a 1 income family with LOTS of expenses, not enough $$ coming in, but we don't fight.  You need to get back in sync with him.  Maybe write him a heartfelt note, or take him out to dinner and sit him down and talk.  Remind him of all the things that made you fall in love with him in the first place.  Tell him that you are done fighting (and mean it).  If he starts fighting, just say, "I'm not fighting with you anymore" and walk away.

    Kauna

    Answer by Kauna at 8:12 AM on May. 16, 2009

  • I suggest you 2 tough it out and not be so quick to leave each other and file for divorce. Marriage isn't easy and it's something you have to work on everyday. There are going to be tough times and you just have to work through them. Your hubby needs to get up off his butt and find a job now, even if it's at a fast food place.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:00 AM on May. 16, 2009

  • I can see your side and your parents side. Back in the day (I love that phrase so I had to use it), people did whatever they had to do to support their families and I'm guessing your Dad feels like your hubby wasn't looking very hard for a job because there's lots of them around, you just don't always like them. Me personally, I'd work at McDonalds if I had to, to feed my family.
    I'm going to sound like I'm bashing but I'm not. But I am only guessing the thing that pushed it over the edge was you getting pregnant again while you were living there, with him supporting you and your family. It would've pushed me over. Accidents happen but apparently you did have some time alone since the baby was conceived. I don't recommend leaving him, but I do recommend him taking whatever job he has to take, or pay cut so he's atleast trying to support your family. It would make him look better in their eyes, and end some tension.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 8:23 AM on May. 16, 2009

  • When it comes to life it general, life sucks sometimes and sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. times are hard right now for millions of people and I am sure its hard to find a job but he can take whatever comes along. It doesn't have to be the best job in the world.Its hard on him I am sure not being able to take care of his family like he wants, but, you have to understand that also.He has a lot on his shoulders and it seems like he is getting bashed.How would you feel if he wasn't in your life and you had to do it all.With another baby on the way, wow, he got hit again, didn't he?For your husband to be hated by your dad doesn't help either, that hit him again.So, how would you feel if it was you and this happened to you.I'm not bashing, but, think about him and how he feels if you can. If you aren't in his shoes, then you really can't know
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:46 AM on May. 16, 2009

  • Your parents love you and their grandchildren.I'm sure they only want the best for you.Just like you do with your kids.But ultimately you have to do what is best for your family and your kids.I agree that he should do what ever it takes to support his famlly.Even if it means he takes a job that is beneath his standards.That is what I would do for my family.
    I don't think you should have any more kids until you two are more financially stable.
    I can't tell you what to do.but I hope everything works out the way it is supposed to.
    God bless and keep you.
    evelynwest

    Answer by evelynwest at 9:15 AM on May. 16, 2009

  • why not get on Section 8 govt housing and live in a nice place of your own? It goes by income and if you get income that is high enough to get off the program then you just drop the program. It allows you to live where ever you want (house, apt, etc) I'd try that before I would a separation especially with another child coming.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:54 AM on May. 16, 2009

  • My husband was working at mcdonalds, this last time, and lost his job due to them hiring so many people at once. He does not mind working at a fast food place or grocery store or any where for that matter, as long as he gets paid yah know, he just can't find anything.

    I'm not suggesting we get a divorce and that is not my first suggestion(I am not quick to leave, we've been going through this for over a year now and I'm still here) I just do not know what to do, thats why I'm asking all of you, and I respect and aprichiate all of your responses!

    We've applied for government housing/section 8 we've been on a waiting list since October of 08
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:16 PM on May. 16, 2009