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I DONT THINK I WANT TO TELL

I DONT THINK WE WANT TO TELL OUR CHILD THAT SHE WAS ADDOPTED SEE THE DAD IS A DEAD BEAT AND WANTED NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS CHILD AND THE BIRTH MOM DID NOT WANT THE CHILD SO WHY WOULD I WANT MY CHILD TO EVER FEEL THAT HE WAS NOT WANTED OR NOT THE MOST SPECIAL THING IN THE WHOLE WORLD WHEN HE WAS ALL THAT WE EVER WANTED ITS NOT THAT I WANT TO LIE TO HER ITS JUST THAT I DONT SEE THE NEED IN PUTTING QUESTIONS AND PAIN INTO MY CHILDS LIFE THAT REALLY DONT NEED TO BE THERE SHE WASNT WANTED BY THE TWO THAT CREATED HER HE WAS ONLY WANTED BY THE TWO THAT ARE LOVING AND RASING HIM

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rjsjjs1

Asked by rjsjjs1 at 1:57 PM on May. 16, 2009 in Adoption

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Answers (39)
  • the only thing i see is a movie happinging. And i hate those movies it pisses me off that the child reacts with hate towrdas the parents for lying i think if i ever found out i was adopted i wouldnt care or i would never tell my parents i hate them beccause like your saying they YOU ARE the oes rasing her and looving her.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:02 PM on May. 16, 2009

  • You just have to think about what happens if they find out on there own. My Best Friend was 17 years old and went into her parents filing cabinet looking for her birth certificate for soccer registration where she came across her older sisters birth certifcate. Being curious 17 year old she looked further and found her parents marriage certificate. Which was a year after her sister birthday. Turns out her mother was married before to a loser and her older sister was actually her half sister. Turns out everyone knew but the kids. I remember telling my mother and her yelling at me that it wasn't true and to never talk about it again. The a few years later admitted that she knew. Now the older sister flipped, tried finding her real dad, moved out with the first bf she had. And is still leaving with him even now there broken up. She really just doesn't want to go home.
    Jillybeans24

    Answer by Jillybeans24 at 2:08 PM on May. 16, 2009

  • Its a personal decision on if you tell the child or not. A lot of children are just fine with it I know many people who are in adopted families and dont want nothing to do with the birth parents cause they are happy or do look for them because they want answers none really have any hate towards anyone just questions and curiosity it just depends on the person the right thing is to eventually tell the child but that is entirelly your decision
    Mommynwife26

    Answer by Mommynwife26 at 2:09 PM on May. 16, 2009

  • I think it is so, so important to be honest. We cannot protect our children from the truth (in age appropriate doses, of course). Your child has already been dealt an injustice. Don't deal her another one by keeping HER story (whether it be good or bad - it's HER story) from her.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:17 PM on May. 16, 2009

  • while i understand what you want to protect your child from, but it could come back to bite you later, my suggestion is to tell your child that you's choose her and that her birth parents cared and loved her enough to let her have a happy family in the end its your decesion good luck
    wyattgrace

    Answer by wyattgrace at 2:33 PM on May. 16, 2009

  • Wow you need to be honest with your child or i am gonna turn my tv on one day and watch a movie about your child HATING you. Honesty is the best policy. Don't lie to your child and maybe theres other reasons why this child was given up you may not know the whole story. Oh is your child boy or girl? you did not make that very clear you were going back and forth.
    I've given a child up for adoption and this child was adopted by a family member and your child will have more respect for you in years to come. Take it from someone thats been there.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:42 PM on May. 16, 2009

  • I've known kids who found out at an older age that they had been adopted, and they were devastated that nobody had ever told them. Your child stands a much better chance of being well-adjusted if you find a way to tell him or her asap. Also, I know we all have to work through our feelings about what may have been done to our children before we got them (or your feelings about the birthparents), but please rehearse talking about them in a way that does not cast them in a negative light. We tell our kids, "she could not take care of any baby at that time, so she chose us to be your mommy and daddy".
    Iamgr8teful

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 3:58 PM on May. 16, 2009

  • Get the book "Telling the Truth to Your Adopted or Foster Child" by Keefer & Schooler
    It is very important that you tell your child the truth! Even with the situation that you describe, it is in her best interest to tell her the truth. Your child will be much better off knowing the truth. Many studies have proved that kids who know do better. I was raised in a home with 3 bio kids and 2 adopted. My sisters always knew that they were adopted, and it was not a big deal at all.
    maggiemom2000

    Answer by maggiemom2000 at 6:06 PM on May. 16, 2009

  • It is always best to tell the truth. Keeping this a secret is not a good idea, sooner or later secrets always come out. You are her adoptive mom and the trust and the truth should come from you. Just because her birth parents gave her up for adoption that does not mean they do not love her! She has a right to know she is adopted.
    Kellyjude1

    Answer by Kellyjude1 at 6:50 PM on May. 16, 2009

  • Don't automatically assume that the birth parents 'didn't want' their child... and NEVER tell that to your son/daughter.

    You need to be honest... a lot of these ladies on here already gave some pretty good advice. Good luck.
    rainfalls

    Answer by rainfalls at 7:27 PM on May. 16, 2009

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