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What do you do when?

My Ex Husbands been dating a gal for 3 years now. I met her once briefly at a carnival at my kids school and there wasn't much time to chat, so I politely said "nice to meet you", and that was it. Since my Ex Husband doesn't talk about her with me, I had no idea how long or strong they were going. Long story short: That brief meeting turned into her thinking I was the wicked witch of the west and now she won't attend any of our kids functions with my Ex Husband if I'm gonna be there. My suspicion is that my Ex Husband concocted this up and likes this just fine cuz he is still bitter over our divorce from 6yrs ago. Should I not worry about it, or should I do something so it doesn't negatively affect our kids? So far he has had a seperate Bday party for my daughter at his house so GF could be there too, without me. My kids are 14 and 11 and really like her, but for some reason she does not want to come around me.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:54 PM on May. 16, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (10)
  • I say you should talk to him and her together and ask why she won't come. perhaps she thinks you don't like her I don't know but I would have a tlak with the both of them together to explain to her how much the kids want her there.
    godsgrace1

    Answer by godsgrace1 at 6:58 PM on May. 16, 2009

  • Call her up and tell her you aren't bitter with her at all and you would like to thank her for the kind things she does for your children. I get along with my DH ex very well i speak to her more then he and him speak we all get along great and we don't just do it for the children we really do like one another and i have known her longer then i've known my DH.
    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 6:59 PM on May. 16, 2009

  • definitely talk to them together. tell her that it was a busy time and you couldnt chat at that particular moment. tell her that you appreciate things she does for the kids and that it would be a load off of them if she would come around more when you are going to be there. tell her it hurts your kids when you and daddy and daddys gf cant all be in the same place at the same time.
    kelsey.evans08

    Answer by kelsey.evans08 at 7:03 PM on May. 16, 2009

  • raemommy, I tried this but had to go through my husband to give her the note(he won't let me talk with her). When my daughters asked her if she received my note, she said, "what note"? This is why I'm certain my Ex likes me and her not getting together. But, is there another way to get through to her? She will not pick up the phone if I try and call her.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:03 PM on May. 16, 2009

  • Sorry, I meant to say Ex husband, not husband
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:04 PM on May. 16, 2009

  • One thing to add to my original post: this lady won't go near his family either. My Ex H family has been calling me asking, "What the heck?" They say even he doesn't come around anymore for family functions and tells them he is spending time with his girlfriend and that she does not feel comfortable around them.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:08 PM on May. 16, 2009

  • maybe you can give the note to your daughter to give to her. but if she's really not wanting to talk to you, then just let it go. talk with your kids about it, they're at the age where they will understand, that you want to be friends with her but she's just being stubborn right now.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:09 PM on May. 16, 2009

  • This really isn't your place at all to worry about the girlfriend. :) I say that gently, b/c rationally speaking, what your ex does and his relationships are his and his alone at this point. I would not make it any point to contact his girlfriend other than to speak in terms of instructions for the children, but your kids are little guys.

    When there is a separation of families, there is no need to celebrate birthdays together. The exciting thing is that they can have TWO parties, one at your home, one at dad's if he so chooses. A big one with dad and a small intimate with mom. Either way, there is no reason to celebrate any holiday nor birthdays together anymore.

    Now weddings and graduations will be diff. but those celebrations are on neutral ground.
    Remember, next week your ex could have a new gf. Unless there are morality issues with children present, there isn't a need for co-existing.
    lifeasinoit

    Answer by lifeasinoit at 7:27 PM on May. 16, 2009

  • Let your ex deal with her. Who cares if your exhusbands girlfriend attends school functions, she is his girlfriend. She is being petty and will end up ruining her relationship with the kids and their father. As to the father, he needs to grow up and tell her that he will be attending his kids activities and if she doesn't want to attend, then she can stay home. I would definately let it go and don't worry about it. Just do what you feel is right for your kids.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 8:05 PM on May. 16, 2009

  • If she is going to be a permanent part of your children's lives, it would be to everyone's advantage for the two of you to be friendly (are you kids going to have two wedding ceremonies?). I would call her and invite her to coffee, or something equally neutral. Just for 1/2 hour or so to get to know each other.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 11:42 AM on May. 17, 2009

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