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How can I retrain a five year old who is rude to another mom at a birthday party?

Today we were at a b-day party and my son looked at the homemade b-day cake as the b-day mom was getting ready to do candles and he said, "yuck!" She was really offended and said "then you don't have to have any.." Later, I coached him to say thank you to her as we were leaving and it backfired on me because he sort of screamed it at her in a mean voice. I talked to him in the car that I was dissapointed in his behavior and gave him a time out, but he just got meaner and rude with me as well. He's finally quieted down and is in the last minute of a 10 minute time out (started at 5, but kept adding minutes for talking back)


Asked by Anonymous at 8:10 PM on May. 16, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • You did just fine.
    Remember he is 5. Kids this age don't edit what they say. They don't run it past a mental censor before it leaves their mouth. That is something he will learn over the next year or two - simply by being corrected by you and put in time out when he says inapproprate things.
    I'd also role play what to do in situations like that. Take turns being the person in the ugly clothes, offering the yucky food, having to say thank you. Practice makes perfect.

    Answer by kaycee14 at 8:30 PM on May. 16, 2009

  • what is his favorite thing to do? hes not too young to take something away for a few days, video games, tv, playing with his friends/canceling a playdate, something that will get it through his head as a harder punishment than time out. i'm all for time outs but at that age, he knows ok after this 10 mins is up i'm done and can do what i want. whereas if he has to be reminded each day for a few days why he can't do something it may sink in better. and when you give him the punishment, sit down explain why his behavior was wrong, and tell him what an appropriate response would have been even if he thought the cake looked/tasted gross.

    Answer by vabchmommy at 8:13 PM on May. 16, 2009

  • Say hey dude, you need to be nice at parties or else you can't go to any more. You don't know if there are going to be store bought cakes or homemade and it would be rude to pick and choose based on that. I say have him miss out on the next party. That is really mean that he would say that at a homemade cake though, that at least shows the mom loves her kid and took time to make him a cake.

    In fact, bake him a cake for his birthday. That will change his attitude real fast, since it will probably turn out alright :)

    Answer by prettyrayray at 8:19 PM on May. 16, 2009

  • It's lame that he was being like that about a cake. Home baked cakes are better, does he know what he's missing?

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:34 PM on May. 16, 2009

  • I would ask him why he said yuck about the cake, it may have been as simple as him thinking the colors were gross- I really doubt that he was trying to hurt the moms feelings and she did not need to be rude to him about it! My son didn't like cake until a couple of years ago and he still really needs to be in the mood to eat it so he used to just say "no thank you" when offered cake at a birthday party and one mother got very offended and went so far as to ask him why he came if he didn't want cake and he very politely told her to have fun with her son! As for the rudeness after, he may have just gotten overwhelmed, I would talk to him about it when he is calmed down. I don't think this is something to punish for but instead an opportunity to teach him how to handle situations when he is offered something he doesn't like.

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 8:53 PM on May. 16, 2009

  • Thanks to all of you who answered - - you've helped! (He liked the taste of the yummy homemade cake.)

    Answer by momtoKeenan at 10:21 PM on May. 16, 2009