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Sexual harassment...not sure where to put this.

I admit that I can be dense at times, but I posted anon b/c I honestly thought I was smarter than this. I'm not a troll...just need some good advice.

Here goes: I have what I consider to be more of a friendship with my boss instead of employee/employer relationship, and our conversations get really blunt and nitty-gritty. A while back our consersations started including sex. He was giving me some really good information that actually helped at times at home. However, I'm big chested, and he said I need to get some better bras. He also comments when my nipples stick out due to cold or exercise.

When I mentioned this to my husband, apparently he said something to someone else. That someone else said that this was sexual harassment.

Are they right? If so, what can I do about it? I can't afford to quit my job in this economy, and we live in a small town were jobs are scarce besides.


Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:22 PM on May. 16, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (17)
  • Does it make you uncomfortable when he talks to you like that?
    I would consider it sexual harassment. I don't allow anyone to talk to me about sex or make sexual comments to me unless it is my SO.
    Him being your boss and saying things like that to you, that is completely unprofessional and unacceptable.

    Answer by Marix3 at 10:26 PM on May. 16, 2009

  • i wouldnt consider that sexual harrassment. only because you allow him to make comments like that. the conversations you have with him lets him think he can say those things. if you dont want ppl to say things sexual to you then dont talk sexual around them.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:28 PM on May. 16, 2009

  • OP here...but what can I do about it? I'm afraid he'll fire me.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:29 PM on May. 16, 2009

  • its your fault you let him talk to you like that and you probably still laugh at everything he says and what kind of man do you have that he doesnt care that you speak to a man about sex and he gives you tips you are sick people! SINNER!

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:37 PM on May. 16, 2009

  • I would ask him to stop. Have respect for yourself. If he doesn't stop, there's numbers you can call for those kind of things and they will investigate. He can't fire you for asking him to stop making sexual comments to you. But you have to learn to respect yourself before others will respect you. I understand the job situation, you need a job but are you really willing to put yourself in that kind of situation for it? I quit my job for that reason and haven't found one since. Too be honest, I'm glad I quit because I couldn't take it anymore. My boss and numerous customers would sexually harass me, I'd ask them to stop and they wouldn't. It just kept getting worse to the point where I told everyone they can go home and beat it themselves because I'm not the girl who's going to do it for them and I walked out.
    Ask him to stop, see what he says. If he doesn't, look into pressing charges or something.

    Answer by Marix3 at 10:42 PM on May. 16, 2009

  • OP here. Would I need proof? I've thought about wearing some type of wire or something to record conversations, but I'm not sure if that would work or if it's even doable.

    My dh doesn't make enough to support us all, and that's why I say I can't afford to quit. My ex doesn't pay child support, and so that's out as well.

    I acknowledge the fact that it's partially my fault for allowing this type of conversation to begin with, but it's gotten to the point now that I'm uncomfortable with it. I'm not sure how to approach this.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:53 PM on May. 16, 2009

  • Bring a tape recorder. When you know you are going to have a conversation with him, turn it on and leave it in your pocket or somewhere hidden but somewhere that he can be heard. First, let him say something sexual, tape that and then tape yourself asking him to stop talking to you that way. Record what you say and his responses. Tape your next conversation to see if he says anything. There's your proof that you asked him to stop and there's your proof he still does it, if he still does it after.
    As for it being your fault, yes, some of it is. It's his fault too and he should know that he is your BOSS! Like I said before, it's unprofessional and uncalled for. Make that move and ask him to stop so that it takes the pressure off of you and shows that you made an attempt to stop it.

    Answer by Marix3 at 10:59 PM on May. 16, 2009

  • If a sexual comment is made again why don't you say something like,"okay, this is inappropriate for us to talk about and I wouldn't want anyone to get the wrong idea or for you to get in trouble since you are my boss and all"
    That comment to him will be a wake up call and I bet he would stop. He probably thinks your friendship either allows him to talk to you like any other friend or maybe he hopes you were more than a friend. If it doesn't stop after that then it would be sexual harassment and proper action should result.

    Answer by haston at 11:00 PM on May. 16, 2009

  • b/c she like this man to talk to her like that...

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:02 PM on May. 16, 2009

  • OP here. I really appreciate the advice. Guess I needed to hear it from someone else that it IS harassment. Never been in this type of situation before, and I'm embarassed that I didn't see it for what it was til dh pointed it out to me.

    My dh IS A GOOD MAN and trusts me. He's my best friend, but he lets me handle problems on my own til I ask him for help.

    Those that said I LIKE this type of thing obviously haven't been through it before and don't know what they're talking about. This man is old enough to be my father, and it feels like I'm being molested. (I know I just opened myself up for more bashing, but what would a person expect from those who live to make others miserable? I've learned that people like you don't exist except in words on my computer screen...therefore, you can't hurt me.)

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:13 PM on May. 16, 2009

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