Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

My first child and getting over its miscarage.

I just had a miscarage with my first child. Me and the guys blood type was different so the heart wouldnt develope. I am having a really hard time getting over it. And wanting another one but cant for 3 months. I need support and helpful advise, and noone is giving me it. I dont know how to stop moarning over my unborn childs death. Help!

Answer Question
 
hillarysuec

Asked by hillarysuec at 1:01 AM on May. 17, 2009 in Pregnancy

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • you're going to mourn for a long time, its normal just let yourself mourn but if you actually get depressed than talk to your doctor, but you will never forget and thats what hurts the most
    Breezy1988

    Answer by Breezy1988 at 1:02 AM on May. 17, 2009

  • You should be mourning...that was a life growing inside of you. It is okay to be sad...it will get better with time, but you are always going to feel the pain of losing your baby. I know that this is not the helpful advice that you were looking for, but unfortunately there is no easy fix it for this. I hope that it gets easier for you over time, and soon you will have the family that you always dreamed of.
    pamelajqs

    Answer by pamelajqs at 1:04 AM on May. 17, 2009

  • You'll never get over it. You lost your child and it will hurt forever but it will become more mangable as time goes on.

    JUST FYI THOUGH...if your doctor hasn't already given you one you NEED to get an RH factor shot to prevent any more issues with you and you SO's differing blood types. The good news is you only have to get the shot once and then your good to go forever!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:05 AM on May. 17, 2009

  • (((Hugs)))
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:05 AM on May. 17, 2009

  • I just wanted to add that there are many really great Miscarriage Survivor groups here on Cafemom that are really supportive! You should consider joining one. They can help you through this time on a constant basis.

    I also would suggest giving your baby a name even if you never tell anyone else because I think it helps validate the life that was growing inside of you and your loss. Many people don't understand how painful early losses can be and quite frankly it pisses me off that people act like just because it was early means you shouldn't feel pain.

    That's BS and anyone who feeds you that line isn't worth your time. A friend of mine tried telling me that because she lost her baby at 12 weeks and I lost mine at 4 weeks I couldn't possibly understand her pain because it's more painful the farther along you are. I say that's BS. My baby died and age has nothing to do with my pain!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:10 AM on May. 17, 2009

  • my SO worked with someone who had a miscarriage at 5 months, the most horrid part and heart wrenching is the baby fell out in the toilet and they had to scoop it up and take it to the dr. to figure out what happened
    Breezy1988

    Answer by Breezy1988 at 1:13 AM on May. 17, 2009

  • The other posters are right, it's not an easy thing and you will mourn for a while. I lost my first pregnancy too, 12 years ago, and I still think about that baby sometimes, I feel that loss. I have "gotten over it", I live my life, I've had four more pregnancies and have 3 sons, but there is a little corner of my heart that remembers that first baby and always will. I don't know how far along you were, but you need the three months to heal physically, mentally and emotionally. I'm sure you want to try again and have another baby, but you do need to give yourself time. You will heal and move on, but you will always carry that loss with you, as time goes by it will get easier, but for now, grieve. As I told someone, I didn't just lose a baby, I lost all the hopes and dreams I had for that baby, all the experiences I was looking forward to having with him or her, and that's what you lost too.
    canadianmom1974

    Answer by canadianmom1974 at 1:15 AM on May. 17, 2009

  • "JUST FYI THOUGH...if your doctor hasn't already given you one you NEED to get an RH factor shot to prevent any more issues with you and you SO's differing blood types. The good news is you only have to get the shot once and then your good to go forever! "

    Actually as someone who is rh-, I know that you should get a Rhogam shot now, but also maybe at 26w (approx) during your next pregnancy, after 40w, and possibly after giving birth. It's not a big deal having the shots, but it's not a "get once and your good forever" thing.
    canadianmom1974

    Answer by canadianmom1974 at 1:20 AM on May. 17, 2009

  • There are different shots. The basic RH factor shot is a get it once and your good forever thing. I'm in nursing school and I'm going into women's health care so I have taken several classes spacifically for women's health.

    My professor told us the basic RH factor shot is a once time in your life time thing.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:26 AM on May. 17, 2009

  • I feel like I`m hijacking this post, but since your anon I can`t pm you. Does the basic rh factor shot (which I`m assuming is different from rhogam) protect your future pregnancies even if you are neg, father is pos and baby is pos. Even if mom and baby`s blood has come into contact. And if so, why isn`t it given rather than rhogam. One shot vs possibly 3 per pregnancy.
    canadianmom1974

    Answer by canadianmom1974 at 1:42 AM on May. 17, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.