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How do you handle an affair?

My husband cheated on me in September of 2008. She is pregant and it might be his. When I got married I never thought I would be going thru this. Any advice would be helpful!

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gobercatcher

Asked by gobercatcher at 2:31 AM on May. 17, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (10)
  • Honestly, I would have filed for divorce the day I found out. There is no excuse for cheating on someone you are married to. That is all I can say
    ronjwake

    Answer by ronjwake at 2:34 AM on May. 17, 2009

  • Where is the divorce paperwork and why haven't you left his ass yet? He will cheat on you again and again. I don't care how many times he promised you he would'nt HE WILL!!!!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:53 AM on May. 17, 2009

  • Why is that when men have affairs that the woman should divorce ASAP, but, when women have one two or 3, then they should be forgiven?(yes, I have read that, "awe, you made a mistake, he should forgive you"), but, men, when they do it, BAM, DIVORCE...LOOK, most women on here are gonna say get a divorce, I won't, because I have been there.If you want to fix your marriage, then thats up to you and your husband to get the help you need.It takes a lot of time and patience to do this,but, it is well worth it if love is there. Men don't cheat and cheat again. Its not true about once a cheater, always a cheater. Most men/women say its true, but its not.if you can fix this and learn to trust again(takes time) then you CAN have a good life. Not all men cheat, not all women cheat again and again. Find out why and go from there. Don't just go for the divorce, its not always the right answer.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:02 AM on May. 17, 2009

  • WHat is sad is he not only cheated on you he also risked giving you an STD since he didn't wear protection to me that is the ultimate low....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:54 AM on May. 17, 2009

  • What are his and her takes? I mean if the baby is his (do they intend on having a test done? Is she in a relationship with someone else?) what are his plans and does she want him to leave you or pay child support? Are they still seeing one another? Would she be willing to give the baby up to yall?

    I would say get counseling for the 3 of you if you want it to work.
    TXdanielly

    Answer by TXdanielly at 9:34 AM on May. 17, 2009

  • Oh dear God, couneseling with the other woman, I would probalby go ape shit on her. This is such a tuff tuff scenario. It really depends on so many different things, and yes, I have been there too. Marriage, til death do us part, for better OR FOR WORSE. And yes, it sux sometimes, marriage is one of the hardest things especially when other women are or have been involved. There truly are a number of things that factor in a seperation or repair. How long have you been married, how long has he been cheating? What is your religion? Does he sincerely want to fix things, or is he simply saying it because he was caught? Marriages absolutely can be saved after an affair, but it does take tremendous effort from both ends. I would absolutely go to a very good counselor, and I would also reccommend going to a Retrouvaille retreat- this is for couples that are severely struggling in their marriages. 

    marikhoy

    Answer by marikhoy at 10:26 AM on May. 17, 2009

  • You can look it up on www.retrouvaille.org. And please feel free to contact me if you would like to talk at all. 2 websites I would reccommend that are jam packed full of awesome resources on how to deal with these types of issues and more are www.familylifecenter.net and www.dads.org These sites definately provided my husband and I with incredible tools to help us in our marriage. One other thing, yes he is an ass in many ways, but one thing that may be helpful is to try and look at things from his point of view as hard as it may seem. What led him to the affair? Are these things that could be corrected in order for prevention? As far as std, that is annoying too, get him tested. You will be in my prayers, I absolultely know how devastating it is, but try to remember that with every negative there is an equal or greater positive, everything happens for a reason.
    marikhoy

    Answer by marikhoy at 10:29 AM on May. 17, 2009

  • I might be able to work through the cheating part.. ( might) but I wouldn't be able to stay with someone that fathered some other woman's child! If he isn't responsible enough to protect himself... not smart enough to even think about the consequences then he doesn't deserve to be with me ever again.. Hell, he was careless there are PLENTY of measures to avoid pregnancy!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:11 PM on May. 17, 2009

  • The biggest decision is up to you, do you want to stay married to him or get a divorce. Once you decide, then he has to fully accept your decision. If you plan on staying married it's going to take alot of work. Are you going to be able to care for your husband's child or do you plan on just giving child support?
    Basically it's how you feel about the rest of your life. Where do you see yourself in the next few years? It takes each day to heal through the pain but you have to have a goal for yourself. Whether your goal is to move on or have a happier more committed marriage. Best wishes on finding and achieving your goal.
    lilmommy0416

    Answer by lilmommy0416 at 5:27 PM on May. 17, 2009

  • I guess it would depend on how you found out for one thing. Did he come to you and tell you everything or did you find out another way? When I felt like my ex was cheating I asked him and he said that I was crazy. I knew there were probs in the marriage so we went to Weekend To Remember. It was wonderful for us & the lector said if we had anything to confess to do it then so we could work things through.
    I really felt that he had been honest with me there I would have forgiven him and so I asked him again if he had ever been unfaithful, that if he was and he were honest I'd be able to move past it. Again he called me crazy. Long story short, I finally found out the truth and it was worse than I ever imagined. He enjoyed prostitutes and had gotten an STD.
    We are now divorced and even though I did take vows for better or worse, God never intended for me to endure sexual abuse which is what a sex addict does to his spouse.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:08 PM on May. 17, 2009

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