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I just don't know why do I get mad about my husband smoking sometimes but not when he drinks!?

I just don't know! I agree with everyone that knows I get mad about it.. it's SILLY! But I can't help it.. every time (which isn't very often) I see him light up a cigarette I feel my face get red and I get MAD, not mad PISSED! He's a grown man, and I know it.. but i still get mad.. any idea why? Maybe you do the same and you know why? My grandpa did die from lung cancer, but I wasn't close to him.... and he drinks and I usually don't get mad... so why when she smokes??

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:47 AM on May. 17, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • I don't think I need a counseler for getting mad about smoking. He told me he wasn't a smoker when we got together, which was what I was looking for. My ex smoked and it drove me crazy. I do not smoke, and I do not like it when other people smoke. At least when someone drinks it doesn't harm anyone around them as long as they are responsible with it and don't drive or hurt anyone. But when you smoke it hurts everyone near. And if something happened to the person that is smoking it hurts everyone that loves them. So no, a few cigarettes shouldnt bug me, but I guess maybe I worry that its going to turn back into a habit. Maybe I just needed some time to think about this.. and posting this helped me think... this is why i'm mad about it, I don't want him to start smoking all the time again.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:46 PM on May. 17, 2009

  • Maybe it's because you are denying your own expectations. If you expect him not to smoke, than put your foot down. You do have a right to your own preferences, don't supress your wants and needs. If you don't like it, lay down the law.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:51 AM on May. 17, 2009

  • Yeah but I don't want him sneak them behind my back.. that would make me feel like he's a liar... so if i say NO SMOKING like i want to... well have actually said.. then he's going to do it, just without me knowing.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:54 AM on May. 17, 2009

  • Maybe support him in helping him quit instead of getting angry. Smoking isn't just a bad habit, it's an addiction and can be very difficult to overcome.
    Cavalrybaby02

    Answer by Cavalrybaby02 at 11:03 AM on May. 17, 2009

  • He did quit.. but last night he smoked 3 times.... and like a month or so ago he smoked when i wasn't around. and I know he smoked in January. It's not very often at all. And its not that I can controll what makes me upset... it just does. I've tried to blow it off, I let him do it, because hes an adult and can make his own choices. But I get in a shitty mood and kinda treat him bad after he smokes... I just don't want him to do it.. maybe it has something to do with my ex husband smoking.... I don't know, its silly... i know..
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:13 AM on May. 17, 2009

  • This may sound harsh, and I don't mean it to at all. but maybe consider getting yourself some counseling. If you have a lot of anger, and you're not sure where it's coming from, you could probably benefit from a counselor to help you work through things and figure out what's really going on beneath the surface. If you're getting THAT mad about a few cigarettes in the last 5 months, there is DEFINITELY something else going on.

    Taking your anger of unknown origns out on your husband can damage your marriage. And carrying around that kind of anger can do damage to your health.
    Cavalrybaby02

    Answer by Cavalrybaby02 at 12:00 PM on May. 17, 2009

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