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Is it tacky to bring extra people to a cookout with out asking?

AGH! We invited DH's friend and his wife over for a small cookout today...they show up an hour early with a few extra people... teen aged step daughter, her friend, and the wife's ex-MIL.... they didn't call ahead, or ask if it was ok, they just showed up and took over my house and pool...and well I have my panties in a bunch! Do I have the right to be? Right now everyone is in the back yard in the pool and I'm hiding inside because I'm pissed and I don't think I can keep my big mouth shut and not flip the f*uck out..... I wanted a nice quiet afternoon and now that's just not going to happen... :(

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RArnold18

Asked by RArnold18 at 3:56 PM on May. 17, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (20)
  • I would be mad too. But you are going to have to vent your feelings, or you will explode. Tell them that you had something totally different in mind for today and say that you are sorry, but something has come up and they need to leave early.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:58 PM on May. 17, 2009

  • yes it is very very rude !
    nursinghannah

    Answer by nursinghannah at 4:01 PM on May. 17, 2009

  • well, the step daughter I could understand and I would say you're wrong to feel mad, b/c they would assume she was included unless you said otherwise. But all the other people they brought, yeah, I think that's kind of rude to just bring them without asking. I know for me, everyone knows I have kids, so when I receive any kind of invitation, unless it's to something really fancy like a wedding or something, I just assume my kids are invited, too. But, I would never bring someone else.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 4:01 PM on May. 17, 2009

  • It is rude to bring anyone other than family (their stepdaughter) unless you call. It only takes a minute to RSVP and ask so that they have enough food for everyone.
    army_wife2000

    Answer by army_wife2000 at 4:04 PM on May. 17, 2009

  • I think you have reason to be mad. But I don't know that I would take it so far as taking them aside and telling them to leave early. I'd just be gracious and know that your food, your company must have been wanted for all of them to show. Next time though I'd make it clear for whom the invite is intended.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:05 PM on May. 17, 2009

  • I think you are right to be upset. They should have called you and asked-- not just assumed extra people were ok. I think I'd not say anything right now, but later on mention that you would have liked to know they were bringing 'extras'. I would say next time you call and invite them over, specify exactally who you are inviting-- and maybe mention no extras please!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 4:11 PM on May. 17, 2009

  • In our family we always expect a few more to join whenever we have a gathering. The more the merrier. Try to be a gracious host and don't worry too much about it.
    Next time if you don't want extras tagging along send engraved announcements with an rsvp.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:11 PM on May. 17, 2009

  • If it were just the step daughter then that wouldnt be a big deal, but her, her friend and a ex MIL...yeah I'd be pissed too. Thats really rude. I know when we have a cook out, usually only cook enough food for those who are invited. So the ones who I didnt know about, esp in this case would be SOL.
    abbynzachsmommy

    Answer by abbynzachsmommy at 4:56 PM on May. 17, 2009

  • I'm just besides myself right now, I only have enough food for DH's friend and his girlfriend/wife...SD very rarly comes around here, only shows up if it benifits her or if the pool is available to swim in...that's the only reason she came to DD's b-day last month, she thought that she was going to be able to swim and when she couldn't she pissed and moaned the whole time she was here... IDK, the whole situation has me fired up, we don't have alot of money so when we invite people over I only buy what we'll need, I really can't afford to buy extra...now we have enough food for two extra adults that was planned, but now we have an extra adult and two teenagers to feed, I hate to think that somone will go without.
    RArnold18

    Answer by RArnold18 at 5:00 PM on May. 17, 2009

  • Its normal for people to get upset when uninvited guest show up eating and drinking up all the food. The best thing is when they leave tell them enjoyed your company but next time pls let me now when you bring some one else so i can have plenty for everybody

    lilmama29113

    Answer by lilmama29113 at 5:05 PM on May. 17, 2009

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