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How do I get my hubby to WANT to spend more time with his two daughters?

I have a great husband. Works hard. Loves me. Treats me right. But... I question the amount of time - quality time - he spends with his daughters. What started this right now is that I'm working on my 6 yr olds bday party. I'm having 8 little 7 year olds at the mall for a scavenger hunt and dinner and cake. I need his help wrangling the kids, taking the presents to the car while I stay inside with the kids, getting food to the tables in the food court, etc. He golfs on Fridays, but this is the day he thought would be best. Now he is complaining that I need his help and suggests that I find another way "to make it work."
I don't like being a nag. I want him to WANT to be there for me, for his daughter. But unless he is going to do it with a smile on his face, then I have a tendency to just deal with it and let him do his own thing... then me and the girls suffer. He needs to spend more time with them - ENJOYABLE time. argh!

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Asked by terrikwv at 7:33 PM on May. 17, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (3)
  • he would rather play golf than celebrate his daughters b-day?

    Tell him to get his priorities straight. you can't make him do anything but you can tell him exactly how you feel about this and how your children feel. if that doesn't work you can just completely not include him in any decisions dealing with the children or events for them. He doesn't want to then stop bugging him with it, when he wants to know why just tell him he obviously has more important things to do than spend time with his kids.

    Answer by LilChynaDollie at 7:54 PM on May. 17, 2009

  • I"m sure he thinks it's women's work and that you should get a friend or female family member to help like others throughout history have done. Men like to drop in and give a gift and leave. I'm sure he thinks he's fine with his dds by letting them be kids and playing with others. He also likes playing (golf) with others so everyone is happy but you. Make your own happiness. Looking at the ages of your kids I'm guessing he'd been like this for many years. So don't whine now. He isn't going to change so suck it up and deal with it. Get a friend.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:21 PM on May. 17, 2009

  • I notice you posted your answer anonymously... hmmm wonder why?
    It's not about my happiness... it's about me needing help and the most logical person to help would be my dh since he IS the father. I'm not a single married parent. why would i put out a friend by asking her to help with a bday party for MY daughter when the father is more than capable?
    I don't question whether it should be him to help, i just question the right way to nudge him to do so. I don't want to insult him or hurt his feelings. but my girls are missing out a little on a male presence as anything other than a disciplinarian.

    (thanks for YOUR response Chynadollie.)

    Answer by terrikwv at 6:51 AM on May. 18, 2009

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