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*For Birthmothers* Did any of you feel 'depressed' once you decided to place your child up for adoption?

I came to the decision to place when I was 8 months pregnant. I no longer had the confidence and faith in raising my son. Once I had it all set and told my family I remember breaking down constantly... It was the worst feeling.

Then I shut it off and completely ignored it, and if anyone talked about it I would immediately cut them off.

What did you go through?

Answer Question

Asked by rainfalls at 8:19 PM on May. 17, 2009 in Adoption

Level 2 (6 Credits)
Answers (16)
  • I was very depressed. My depression didn't end until she was about 6 months old.

    Answer by mambahowell at 8:51 AM on May. 18, 2009

  • before the preg. test came back positive I already had my mind made up for adoption.

    I was in complete and total denail until my son was about 7 years old.
    for the next three years I was still in the adoption fog, believing all the myths and lies about how it was a loving choice, that I gave the aparents a gift, that he was a blank slate and being adopted would not matter to him.

    When I realized all those things were lies - depression like a crushing tidal wave - I wanted to die.
    That lasted for almost 2 years.

    I still have short swings out of the depression...there are about 3 months (not consecutive, but total) out of the year that I feel like my 'normal' self.

    However, the depression now is not nearly as severe and crushing.

    so, short answer to your question = no...I was in total denial & the money grubbing agency loved that.

    Answer by JoesGirl at 10:53 AM on May. 18, 2009

  • I was similar in some ways to Joes,

    While I was making my adoption plan there was so much positives given and I had so much to think about and chose that it kept me from thinking about the "after"

    The second the nurse wheeled my daughter's bassinet out of my room after signing papers I collapsed both physically and emotionally. I fell into a clinical depression that took literally 15 years to emerge from, and I need to continue to watch myself because slipping back in is always a possibility even though I have been in reunion since my daughter was 7.

    For me, the added processing of "why as an adoptee, I gave up my daughter" took a great toll on me. Most adoptees have a burden to adopt others, not relinquish. Facing that I knowingly placed my daughter in a situation that she may struggle with is something I am still emerging from.

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 1:54 PM on May. 18, 2009

  • I have a chemical imbalance which triggers depression. My mother and her family have suffered with depression for generations. As you can see I was dealing with depression before I got pregnant.
    Once I decided to place my daughter in adoption, my depression worsen. I struggled for years. In 1993, I finally received the help that I had needed.

    Answer by Foundatlast at 2:16 PM on May. 18, 2009

  • No. Actually I felt better.

    Answer by onethentwins at 7:11 PM on May. 18, 2009

  • I was the same way when i was 6 months pregnant. I was so ashamed of the man that i got pregnant by that i cut off everybody that i had trusted. So when the thought got into my head that i should call my family it was too late. It still hurts but i think its for the better for my baby boy.

    Answer by Thaifalung20 at 11:53 PM on May. 18, 2009

  • I never went through depression after surrendering my twins. I was in college and knew the father and I were not capable or mature enough to raise them properly. I placed the twins with a family we knew and see them a couple times a year. I knew it was best for them after bringing them home and trying to care for them on my own. My parents died the year before in a car accident so it was me at 19 on my own with twins. My baby's father was in England for college. I knew I could not do it by myself and gave them to this couple. They were a blessing and my kids are being raised in the best home they could hope for. They know I am their birth mom and ask me questions from time to time. I have been honest with them and will continue to be honest with them. They are 10 now. I am married and have 3 children with one on the way. I don't have time to wallow in self pity over a choice I maed. My kids are great.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:46 PM on May. 19, 2009

  • Anon 11:46,

    I'm so glad for your outcome - I wish more birth moms had the opportunity to have such an open relationship with their children.

    Respectfully, "I didn't have the time to wallow in self pity over the decision I made" either. My depression was not over the decision (for I made the best decision in adoptive family - and my reunion shows that it was a good one). My depression was over the loss of the traditional mother/child role that could have been under different circumstances.

    The 15 years that I battled with this depression were not wasted time. I worked so very hard and by societies standards have excelled in all areas (career, education, marriage, subsequent children, etc). Very few would have guessed with all the outward "success" there still lingered the feelings of loss.

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 5:03 PM on May. 19, 2009

  • I was already depressed when i found out i was pregnant because 4 months before i found out i was pregnant, My sons dad broke my heart. My depression lasted through my whole pregnancy and i couldn't think of losing him. It's been 2 and 1/2 years since my son was born and i still get depressed thinking about him and how he is doing or if they are telling him who i am and where he comes from it's so hard.

    Answer by Whitney_Lynn at 5:27 PM on May. 19, 2009

  • Yes actually to the point of trying to commit suicide a few months later.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:19 AM on May. 20, 2009

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