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My Ex husband Vs My Fiance, for my Daughter's sake and mine... I dont know what to do.

I have a 2yr daughter, her dad hasnt been around much because we're no longer together, but he comes in and out of our lives alot. My Finace hates that he calls everynow and then to check up on her. but when he calls its only when its convinent for him. When we were together he cheated and got abusive so I divorced him. My Fiance now is wonderful, has always been there for us no matter what. But the problem is that I want my daughter to know who her real dad is, hes black so its a completey different culture. My fiance and I are Mexican so we embrace our culture. So Im not sure if I should encourge the relationship between my daughter and her real dad, because i do believe he's dropped his bad habbits and wants do to right by his daughter? Or respect my Hubby to Be and push my ex away because of his past and if I did how would i tell my daughter later that the man she knows as daddy.. isnt her real father?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:43 PM on May. 17, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • Your child deserves her REAL father. Your husband married you knowing you had a child that had another father. Of course you should encourage their relationship and your hubby should support you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:45 PM on May. 17, 2009

  • Your Hubby to be, should realize that this other man is her father, and it is not fair to your daughter to push him away...I would really think long and hard about it!! She could grow up to resent you for doing that.
    pamelajqs

    Answer by pamelajqs at 10:48 PM on May. 17, 2009

  • I agree with the PP, your daughter needs to know her bio dad. Your fiance needs to realize he is getting a package deal. That doesn't mean he gets no say in things, but has to be willing to work things out with you in the best interests of your daughter.
    No matter what, your daughter should always know who her bio dad and her "daddy" (step dad) are. Even if she doesn't see him, you bring him up once in a while so that she remembers, and/or she should have a picture of him that you can refer to.
    maggiemom2000

    Answer by maggiemom2000 at 10:50 PM on May. 17, 2009

  • Well if the biological dad wants to be in her life let him that is her daddy, I can imagine how your fiance feels but that is her biodad nothing can change that. You say the biodad gets together at his convenience...try to make it at yours and your fiance's conveniece. And make sure your fiance does not interfere or say anything bad about the biodad. Or your child will not look at him in a positive way. Let your child know who is the dad but at the same time she can call your fiance dad too and as she gets older she will slowly understand that her biodad is her dad by blood and her dad living with her mom and herself is her dad too by marriage. I guess I would not know how to word it but I pray all goes well. If the biodad is trying to make that positive change just let it happen for you child's sake. Take Care!!!

    Butterfly1108

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 10:54 PM on May. 17, 2009

  • Bio Dad checked out. It's not fair to your girl to let this man become a part of her life just to breeze in and out when it's "convenient". Your daughter is worth more.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:40 PM on May. 17, 2009

  • She needs to know who her bio-dad is.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:13 PM on May. 18, 2009

  • She needs to know her real daddy. I cannot stand these fiances who want to push bio parents our of their children's lives. What they do to others will be done to them.
    lilangilyn

    Answer by lilangilyn at 6:16 PM on May. 18, 2009

  • I hear what you all are saying. And thank you for you'r advise and point of view... But my Ex has been so demanding lately.. Im still afraid of his bad habbits of being abusive and not toward me this time.. but what if he does it to my daughter. Thats what Im most afraid of.. so should I just let her know who he is rather than let them have a relationship?
    -author of question
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:11 AM on May. 19, 2009

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