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Over protective?? (LONG SORRY)

Am I being to over protective of my teenage daughter (14)?? She does a lot of extra curricular things and hangs out with a lot of older kids because she is good at a lot of things and is put in classes with older kids so she has pretty much grew up with kids 2-5 years older then her. She is a very social girl but mostly with all hte kids in grade 11 and 12.. She is in grade 9. They are all great friends so its not like she is being a tag-along but Im not sure I want her hanging out with them... The other day she asked if she could go over to this boy's house (grade 12) with her friend (In grade 10, Girl, I dont really know her) and a couple other kids (grade 11 and 9) so I said yes but I wanted his number and address and to meet his parents and talk to her. So normally I NEVER let her rind in cars with teenagers but I made an exeption that time and allowed her to drive from school to his house. (cont --->)

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:24 AM on May. 18, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (9)
  • They went to the park first and I knew they were going to and that was fine. I ended up going to his house to meet his parents before she got there and decided to let her go. Then I caller her and told her "make good decisions, I'm going to be gone untill late" and then i hung up. I got home at 11 30pm amd she wasnt home so I kinda freeked out and called the boys house, She was hter and I told her I would pick her up so I did. I was very angry and told her I was. I took away her privaleges to riding in cars with teenagers and her privalege to hang out with boys older then 16.. Is this to extreme?? she did make a point and tell me that I didnt give her a time to be home but still, I assumed her to be home!!


    Am I being over protective???
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:28 AM on May. 18, 2009

  • Hell no-she is in 9th grade and boys in the 6th grade are only after one thing these days-what do u think is in the mind of a senior boys head!!!!
    she is in the 9th grade she KNOWS your rules and she KNOWS that being out past 10 would normally be considered past curfue-she deserves to be punished, in my home your not allowed to be in a car of a teen until they have there licenese-now I no my kids sneak around-which is why I know ALL there friends-there cells and there parents numbers-but I want to make sure my kids understand the risk and responsiblity of drivng before getting in a car with a stupid kid that wants to go out and do donuts or something-she disrespected you by saying you didnt give a time-she should no better-shame on her
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:40 AM on May. 18, 2009

  • If she knew she had a curfew, and she broke it without calling you, that is no one's fault but her own. She made the choice... if she wants to act like an adult, then she can also accept the consequences like an adult.
    emslala

    Answer by emslala at 2:06 AM on May. 18, 2009

  • And also, getting the boy's address, phone #, & meeting his parents first is right on! Good job with that!!
    emslala

    Answer by emslala at 2:07 AM on May. 18, 2009

  • Since you didn't give her a curfew I don't see how you can punish her! She actually did nothing wrong.
    fallnangel3

    Answer by fallnangel3 at 7:32 AM on May. 18, 2009

  • Over protective, I don't know.. but over-reacting and being inconsistent, yes. It's impossible to enforce (the hanging out with boys older than 16), so probably not a good rule to impose.

    It isn't clear what rule she broke, and I get the feeling you're over-reacting. You say yourself she is a good kid, has been used to hanging out with older kids, etc...., you let her go over (no curfew), you let her ride in a car with other teens, gave you the parent info and you meet them, etc. What did she do wrong?

    I'd reset the rules, but make them enforceable - like a curfew (and whatever overriding rules you may have like having permission before going somewhere, no alcohol, school work done,.... etc.)
    PhillyinFrance

    Answer by PhillyinFrance at 9:45 AM on May. 18, 2009

  • Actually, I think those boys will think she is too young for her...When I was a freshman I had a lot of older friends and most of the guys saw me as a "little sister," certainly not someone they wanted to have sex with.

    Did she have a curfew? If she didn't, then how can you get mad at her for being out late? It sounds as though you WANT to trust her, but aren't entirely sure you can...so I think you need to re-evaluate. Sit down with her, talk about things, and then tell her to invite all her friends over. That was how my dad got to meet most of my older friends. In fact, it worked out so well that when my parents went on a vacation, I was allowed to stay home with some of my older girlfriends...

    ...and no, we didn't throw a party. LOL.

    Also, I think that it was right to get the numbers and addresses :)
    metalhealthmama

    Answer by metalhealthmama at 12:49 PM on May. 18, 2009

  • Was she told at what time to be home? or did you say to her I want you to be home no later then a certain time. ? Well next time tell her when you want her home. And if shes going to be late for some reason or other tell her to call you and let you know.Also if the promblem is her friends that your not sure of have her invite them over and meet them and talk to them about things they like. get to know them. And when your not with them watch them and see what they do .But don't let them know your watching.'them.
    incarnita

    Answer by incarnita at 9:43 AM on May. 19, 2009

  • Yeah, just remember that even a responsible kid is likely to have a different idea of what's reasonable. You have to lay out every thing you want them to follow, in the way of rules.
    callmeann

    Answer by callmeann at 11:07 AM on May. 23, 2009

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