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PORN!

I hate how often my hubby looks at it... at least once a day, most days of the week. Sometimes he even searches specific pornstars, and I've noticed "blond" searches a few times, which bothers me because I have dark hair. I know he rarely has time to masturbate, and if he did it wouldn't really matter because I do it too. Am I the only one who feels like he's fantasizing about these perfect blond bimbos when he has sex with me? BTW our sex is never passionate or romantic, it's just "f******" in my opinion. It seems to always be about HIM-- no foreplay or tongue kisses. It was like this even before I was pregnant. I'm extremely jealous of all this porn. It's on my mind a lot. Especially after I see it in the internet history. Even right after we have sex, while I'm showering, he'll look at it. I mean, I know guys do this, and it wouldn't bother me so much if it wasn't EVERY DAY, multiple times...

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kels420

Asked by kels420 at 2:23 AM on May. 18, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (14)
  • talk to him about it then. youre getting nothing sorted out by just sitting on cafemom venting about it.

    you said this is on your mind a lot, well im sure he isnt a mind reader!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:25 AM on May. 18, 2009

  • Sounds to me he as an addiction to porn. You probably should talk to him about it and tell him how you feel and that you think he has a problem. See if he is willing to work on it to keep your relatioship together... If this doesn't work or he will not hear you out, you may have to do some major changes in your life.
    soonmommyof3

    Answer by soonmommyof3 at 2:26 AM on May. 18, 2009

  • I would have a problem with it......I think you need to talk about it.................
    MomAgainAgain

    Answer by MomAgainAgain at 2:26 AM on May. 18, 2009

  • Just talk to him. Maybe if he knows how uncomfortable it makes you, he'll stop. If that doesn't work, try looking up some porn of your own. (There's lots of naked men out there!) It will probably bother him, it might even piss him off royally, but at least then he'll see what it's like to feel how you do.
    3_is_enough

    Answer by 3_is_enough at 2:29 AM on May. 18, 2009

  • sounds like an addiction to me as well.. I mean why would he need to watch porn right after sex while you are showering? Is he finishing when you have sex???
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:29 AM on May. 18, 2009

  • He's always finished, I'm NOT! I've talked to him about it in the past, multiple times, and he always gets defensive. He actually said once "I work too hard to have a wife that gets pissed when I want to come home and watch some porn". He has made it clear each time that he has no intention of stopping or slowing his habit, that it's something he's always done and always will.
    kels420

    Answer by kels420 at 2:32 AM on May. 18, 2009

  • My hubby and I were apart for several months this past year due to work and finishing up college. When I returned home, I found out that he had relapsed into his porn addiction while I was gone. It wasn't a problem for him for a couple of years before I met him. He got over most of the addiction, but a little bit of the temptation was always there. Me being gone broke him and he relapsed. To show his remorse and regret, he agreed to a follow a few rules that I chose and also installed an internet tracking program that allowed me to monitor any questionable internet activity. I say all this to emphasize that he told me about it, he regretted it, he agreed to the rules and he has since been stronger than his addiction. It's not you; it's him. He has the problem and he has to fix it. Unfortunately, you can't fix it for him. But, I suggest the two of you watch the movie "Fireproof" together.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:36 AM on May. 18, 2009

  • oh sister im right there with you, and its not like were prudes, but F*** every day, plus there sneaky. I dont know which bothers me more the porn or the sneakiness.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:08 AM on May. 18, 2009

  • I'd talk to him about it, and let him know it bothers you. Maybe you suggest he take notes and learn some of the techniques the guys use on the girls? Ask him to bring a little different moves into the bedroom..... What about sitting down and watching it with him? Maybe that would put a little extra something in your sex life. I hope things work out!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:29 AM on May. 18, 2009

  • Yeah, that's an addiction - and just like any addiction, he's going to need help beyond his own strength to overcome it. There are 12 step groups and other things like that out there if he's willing.
    but you may have to lay down the line with "you need to go get help, or _______(your choice)."

    What you described, is a common, and sad effect of a porn addiction - sex becomes about self gratification and not about real intimacy.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:55 AM on May. 18, 2009

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