Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

All this talk of women's rights hits home for me

I was 19 when I discovered I was pregnant. I kept it secret from all family, including the would be father. I did however confide in a co-worker who listened to me, help me make arrangements for the procedure and ultimately paid for it. I remember feeling lost helpless and scared when I discovered that I was with child. I knew I was disappointing my family, religious community and most importantly God. Still I proceeded with the abortion because I felt like if I kept the baby I wasn't ready to give the baby what he/she needed from me and going thru with the pregnancy and then giving the baby up for adoption was something I knew I was strong enough to do.

In hind sight now I know that my feelings and thoughts were that of a selfish teenager who never thought the baby and what I was taking away from her. I've since married and given birth to 2 children and no matter what I do nothing will erase the fact that I ended...

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:36 AM on May. 18, 2009 in Politics & Current Events

Answers (18)
  • That sounds like a situation a coworker of mine was in once. I felt so bad for her because she was so upset. You did what you felt was right at the time. I'm so sorry about your whole situation because I know you felt like you were letting people down no matter what you did.

    Answer by ajguinn at 10:39 AM on May. 18, 2009

  • Hugs.

    Answer by mogencreative at 10:39 AM on May. 18, 2009

  • What is your question?

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:40 AM on May. 18, 2009

  • cont -

    a life. With all this talk about pro choice and pro life it has brought up feelings that I've tried to hide over many years. I feel as though nothing I can do will bring me peace in this regard, what I did was something a coward does. However, my question is can you change your mind and if so should you be vocal in your experiences to try to get others to understand why you chose that path in the first place?

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:40 AM on May. 18, 2009

  • * I meant to say giving my baby up for adoption was something that I wasn't strong enough for at the time.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:42 AM on May. 18, 2009

  • Don't feel bad about what you've done. Society has a way of tearing up women in crisis without knowing how sensitive the situation for each woman is. More power to you.

    Answer by BlueSaphire at 10:44 AM on May. 18, 2009

  • You were frightened and didn't know what else to do. That was the choice you made back then and you can't undo it. What you can do is concentrate on your 2 children.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:47 AM on May. 18, 2009

  • Having been through the hard choices that led ultimately to your use of a legal option that you in hindsight regret, you can be a voice for other young women in the same circumstances, and help them make a choice that will not lead to the regret you feel now. If you choose to do that, it will be far more effective than a lot of "holier-than-thou" women who have never had to make that choice.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:50 AM on May. 18, 2009

  • you weren't 19 in 2002 were you? I'm sorry, it's just that your story is EXACTLY the same as the girl who I knew and I haven't seen her since she moved to Kansas City.

    Answer by ajguinn at 10:55 AM on May. 18, 2009

  • The fact is OP, that you are the one that needs to make peace with your decision. If you feel so strongly against your decision when you were 19, then feel free to share your experience (like you did here) so that others might benefit from your hindsight. Unfortunately, we all live different circumstances, and while I think abortion is an ugly thing, I have no place deciding for someone else what is right for them. No more than I do making any other medical decision for others, besides who I am personally responsible for (my own kids).

    I am sorry that you feel your regret so deeply (it's completely understandable). Another option for you to help others in that position would be to volunteer at a crisis pg. center. This way you can offer real life experience to the women that are having to make their own difficult decisions.


    Answer by QuinnMae at 10:55 AM on May. 18, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.