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Son hurting his father by saying things..

My stepson is 8 years old. This last weekend when he wanted to jump on the trampoline, we said no because it was under 50 degrees outside and had been raining most of the day so it was damp and cold and not to mention after 8 o'clock so it was dark as well. We said no, and he ran off screaming " I hate yall. I hate it here and I'm never coming back!" My husband was so hurt by this, because he can't be a big part of his life, because his ex won't let him. She's married to a new man that his son is really clinging to, and the reason for the divorce was her lying and cheating. (so it wasn't like my husband was a horrible husband and is deserving this) Anyways, I ran after him threatening to spank if he EVER did that crap again.. and now because he knows it hurts his dad.. He does it everytime he doesn't get his way. Honestly I know kids do that, but I can't let him happen again, because my husband loves him so much. What do i do

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:12 PM on May. 18, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Answers (9)
  • Well your husband needs to tell him. I know that it hurts him but if he don't control it now. He will have alot of problems later. He knows how to hurt his father to make him give in. My So son does that all the time. You just have to be firm and say fine you won't have to come over anymore. Call his bluff. My SO son would threatening and everything else until his father finally told him that don't fly around here. He will learn and grow out of it. Well good luck. I hope that helps a little.

    akmami0f4

    Answer by akmami0f4 at 2:18 PM on May. 18, 2009

  • Take away stuff that he likes..
    If one of my stepkids said that to their father, their little butt would be in timeout..
    They they would have a nice talk with their father..and they would not use the trampoline the rest of the weekend..

    He maybe a child but he needs to know that he can not always get what he wants..that is just life..
    Please stick to the rules in your house..sounds like BM may spoil him a bit.

    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 2:18 PM on May. 18, 2009

  • OP here- I remember as a kid telling my mom I hated her for not letting me do something, but I was much older.. Like 13 and 14.. Not 8 years old.. Now my husband doesn't want to discipline him because he wants his son to want to come back. Which I do understand completely, but at the same time.. I'm not being miserable every weekend because this kid is completely spoiled. He's never been this way towards anyone before, but the entire weekend, and even when he called him that night to talk to him. He asked for something, and my husband said 'we'll see" and he said.. Either say yes, or I won't come back to see yall. We can make him come back, thats not the problem, but my poor husband is getting so hurt by this and I can't stand to see him cry and I don't know what to do anymore.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:19 PM on May. 18, 2009

  • Your hubby has to discipline him...
    You will create a
    Monster...worse than he already is if you don't discipline him...

    He is a child, your husband is a father, there are boundries and your stepson needs to know this..
    You are not the only family that goes through this...

    If you give into him....you will lose him and all the good you stand for...
    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 2:21 PM on May. 18, 2009

  • CONT:
    If you don't put a stop to it now it's going to get worse. Tell him fine, if you don't like it here, don't come back but EVERYTHING you have here will stay here and you won't see any of it again. Let him know that you're not playing around but stay calm while you do it, don't blow up and yell at him. Dh needs to act like it doesn't bother him, just that he's disappointed with his behavior and it really would be a shame if he decided not to come back but the decision is on him.
    mommabear2008

    Answer by mommabear2008 at 2:22 PM on May. 18, 2009

  • oh my God...do not tell him that he does not have to come back..

    Don't play games with a child...

    Tell him the truth, and what his words do...
    He needs to take responsibility for his actions...

    If not he will never learn..
    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 2:25 PM on May. 18, 2009

  • We've been going through this with ss for over a year now, at first we punished him and told him it was unacceptable and whatever he asked for was a definate 'no', there was no more 'maybe or we'll think about it' after such rude comments but it didn't work...FOR OVER A YEAR! EVERYTIME we'd punish him for it and stick to our guns he'd just get worse. My dh got to the end of his rope and told him 'ok, if that's how you really feel we're sorry that you don't want to be here, we wish you would come visit and have fun but if you don't want to come back and see us anymore then don't' He still called him and talked to him, reminded him of how much we loved him and told him of the fun things we were doing and after 3 weeks my ss straightened up and told dh he wanted to come visit again. He realized words have consequences too, they're not just words! DO NOT give him what he wants, he's old enough to know words have consequences too.
    mommabear2008

    Answer by mommabear2008 at 2:46 PM on May. 18, 2009

  • Thanks mamabear2008. I'm going try that if my husband can do that. He probably won't though, but this last weekend we took away EVERYTHING and he couldn't enjoy anything and that just made it worse.. I'll try that though.. Thanks!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:48 PM on May. 18, 2009

  • Your husband should realize that this is a child, and he is striking out as a child strikes out, with no thought of honor or caring, only with the weapon he has, which is to shout that he doesn't want to come back. It is his very immature, childish weapon. This may help to some extent the hurt that your husband is feeling. If the child finds that the threat isn't reaching its mark anymore, then he'll stop it. So if he says such hurtful things, tell him that they are hurtful, isolate him for a while, then do something that he enjoys. He is old enough to learn to apologize for his behavior, too.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 5:48 PM on May. 18, 2009

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