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My daughter came home today in tears

I thought someone said, something to hurt her feelings, well...someone did hurt her feeling the boy that broke up with her. I did not even know she had a boy friend! she's 11 years old! maybe this is ok for some parents, but I think our kids are growing up way to fast! She usually tells me everything, but I don't think she wanted to risk me telling dad so she kept this a secret. Does anyone else think this is to young of a age to have a boyfriend and actually be crying with hurt feelings? or is this the age it starts?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:10 PM on May. 18, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • Well it was just puppy love. She well get over it real soon. Its just the thought of rejection. In some aspects of life I think that kids are growing up way to fast but at the same time. We all did the same things at that age. Your pretend little boyfriends. Just talk with her. I talk to my daughter about it. There could be alot more to the story than just that. Like ppl at school are going to make fun of her or her little boyfriend like someone else. I talk to my daughter all the time about these things. Its like there own little soap opera. But just be happy she told you now. Explain to her that this is why we don't have boyfriends at this age. That if she gives it time. She will understand when she gets older and laugh about this very moment.

    akmami0f4

    Answer by akmami0f4 at 7:21 PM on May. 18, 2009

  • Yes, and I was 16 when I had my first bf, 13 is still too young. You should tell her it doesn't matter what she has to tell you she should tell you everything. I think your children should be scared but not too scared to where they keep things from you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:15 PM on May. 18, 2009

  • I'm totally with you on thinking kids are starting the whole boy/girl thing rather early these days! Take some time to share with your daughter how precious these years are and how she is becoming a delightful young lady. Oh that they won't give their hearts away too early!
    TeaAnderson

    Answer by TeaAnderson at 7:15 PM on May. 18, 2009

  • It's probably the kind of boyfriend you only see in class. It's ok, as long as she isn't doing anything with him. And she'll be ok. Back when I was that age everyone had boyfriends (but me) I got my first boyfriend when I was around 14 but thats because I wanted to respect myself and worry about school. This is typical pre-teen/teenage drama, and this is the age it's starting. Good luck!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:18 PM on May. 18, 2009

  • Yes! If only we could teach our daughters how to be independent young women. I'm not sure how we could go about doing this though, when they see us, as women, married. I hate to see all that stuff happen at such a young age. Maybe just talk with her, tell her she has a great future with school and college and a career. Maybe make her feel good without having a boyfriend.
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 7:23 PM on May. 18, 2009

  • I would hate to rush to judgement but my gut reaction is YES it is too young. Although, I did have "boyfriends" in grade school but nothing I could cry over. I think I had a kiss in 6th grade but very innocent. So I don't know.....
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 7:29 PM on May. 18, 2009

  • Way too young. And you're right - she didn't tell since she didn't want to be told no.

    I'd suggest getting a copy of "The Feelings Book". It's part of The Care and Keeping of You series.
    http://www.amazon.com/Feelings-Book-Keeping-Emotions-American/dp/1584855282/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1242690015&sr=8-1

    I'd also suggest a Girl's Night Out: Moving On party with just the two of you. Use it as a chance to talk about boys in general and boys her age in particular. They are clueless, feckless, and as they get older - after just one thing. That's pretty much a quote from my husband.
    kaycee14

    Answer by kaycee14 at 7:42 PM on May. 18, 2009

  • Op- We have had the talk about boys and right now in school they are teaching about sex ed- "growing and changing" and we have had talks in the past . We are not prunish lol if that's a word we are pretty cool parents...she already had a similar experience and we had this long talk about it's normal to be attracted and have crushes on boys, but how emotionally she may not be ready and how school is so important righ now and she is so young and just to learn a lesson from all of this. We tell her how beautiful and smart she is and there is plenty of time for boys when she's older. I don't know why she chose to have a boyfriend after everything we discussed.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:44 PM on May. 18, 2009

  • The thing is whether you think it is too early or not she IS having these feelings and if you down play it or tell her she shouldn't have them then she is just going to be more confused and not trust you to talk about any of it. To her it is serious so you have to treat it seriously.
    I was totally in love when I was 12. We never did anything (I think we kissed 3 times in the 2 years we were together...dating was going to the movies with our little brothers) but I was in love. Seems silly as an adult but I still count him as my first love.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:53 PM on May. 18, 2009

  • I know! I wish there was a way I could convey to her (my daughter) when she's older that she shouldn't complicate her life with dating and sex while she's young. Especially when my wisdom comes from hard-learned experience! I'll try my darndest though.
    sfwilson

    Answer by sfwilson at 7:53 PM on May. 18, 2009