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Question for B-Moms, Letter to potential birthmother?

My husband & I are working on a 'Birth Mother' letter. First, I've read a lot of controversy over calling her a birth mother since the baby isn't born yet, so how would you have preferred being addressed? What meant the most to you in the letters you read? What did you NOT want to see in the letters? I've seen 2 different versions of a 'birth mother' letter, one is a letter form from the adoptive family to the birth mother, the second was just a summary of the adoptive family, which I thought was the purpose of the profile anyway. Thank you for any information...


Asked by Anonymous at 8:16 PM on May. 18, 2009 in Adoption

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • I think that you are on the right track - and that your searching for how things come across to expectant women considering adoption says a lot about you as a person.

    These profiles and letters are really the tool an agency uses to facilitate the pre-birth matching between prospective adoptive parents and expectant women considering adoption, and it is that process I believe that many birth mothers take exception with.

    Back when I was making all of the decisions regarding my daughters placement, we only had profiles to look at (no personal letters/photos) so that's my frame of reference.

    Titling the letter/profile as "Expectant Mom Considering Adoption" is exactly what this young woman is and if I had been given a letter such as this it would give me comfort that the prospective adoptive parents had a glimpse into what my side of the journey is. Other than that, just be yourself.

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 12:18 PM on May. 19, 2009

  • You may get more response to your question in one of the friendlier adoption groups here on cafemom. Touched by Adoption is a good one.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:58 AM on May. 19, 2009

  • Thank you so much PortAngeles!!! The title is perfect, it is what I was looking for, just couldn't think of the way to put it into words!!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:29 PM on May. 19, 2009

  • Not a problem at all - thanks for being open to a birth mom's viewpoint :)

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 2:31 PM on May. 19, 2009

  • When it came to getting letters i preferred to be called by my name because i wanted to feel like they really cared about who i was and how i was feeling. As far as what the letters pertained i wanted to know anything and everything about their family and about the raising standards, I wanted to know them in a friendly way. I guess what i mean to say is i wanted to know who my child would be living with. I got a lot of letters with pictures of the couple and their families doing lots of things they enjoyed like camping, vacationing, going to church. those helped to know what kind of family he was going to.

    Answer by Whitney_Lynn at 5:24 PM on May. 19, 2009

  • Thank you Whitney, that helps to know what things to include about us!

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:20 PM on May. 19, 2009