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My husband and I have been together for 3 years and we have a 6 month old boy. We both worked b4 he was born, and both made pretty good money. Well he and I decided that I could stay home and raise our son, that we could afford it. Well of course now money is a lot more tight than before. How can I help him get used to that. He always gets mad when I say we can't afford to do this or that. I'm okay with it, I would give up anything to do more for my son, but I feel like he cant. Like hes still wanting to live like he was single. Also how can I get him to understand that doing all the sahm things takes alot out of a person. He had a bunch of things to get done 2day that i cant do, and didnt finish them so will do them tomorrow and now will complain til next week that he didnt get to relax on either of his days off. I never get a day off though, he just doesnt get it. My job is 24/7 he works 40hrs/week. Big difference. Thoughts?

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:27 PM on May. 18, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (21)
  • SAHM sounds glamorous or a good idea at the time, but if you can't afford stuff you just can't! You two need to sit down and prioritize and COMPROMISE! You can't tell him he can't have stuff anymore, he'll resent you. You have to meet him in the middle of the road. It's better to be flexible, not say "Well you said I could SAH, so that's what I'm doing, PS you can't have all that nice stuff anymore..." Meet your husband in the middle of the road, take a p/t job if you have to, or otherwise have him come to the decision that you can SAH with less money and give a lot of stuff up.

    He doesn't get a day off either. He's still Dad when he comes home from work. Both of you work 24/7 now that you're both parents.

    Answer by prettyrayray at 9:37 PM on May. 18, 2009

  • Welcome to the wonderful world of SAHM!!!! lol! Sorry not laughting at you, but yeah, been there doing that. My DH is home all day and still doesn't understand what all I do during the day.

    Answer by Peanut_Farley at 9:39 PM on May. 18, 2009

  • Well, not necessarily, in his eyes. If I worked 40 hrs a week and my husband stayed home with the kids, I would expect certain things to get done. I would also appreciate if he worked and made some money so that we weren't always stuck at home. You all have got to understand that raising a child is different for a woman than it is a man. What you are making is a man that is going to be out having fun without you. He has to have an outlet from his work. He is going to start to feel resentment towards you and that is not good. If he wants you to work and earn an income, I think you should pull your weight.

    Our economy is bad? Make all the SAHM get a darn job and pull their weight. SAHM should be an option for families who care afford it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:39 PM on May. 18, 2009

  • My thoughts are you chose to be a stay at home mom, therefore you can't say "oh I never get a day off. He actually works for a living, you don't do anything. Cleaning house and taking care of a baby is nothing. Don't say that your job is being a mom, because that's a choice, not a job. I'm sure it's not that he wants to live like he's single, but that he does want more money. And i'm sure he's going to ask you to get some sort of a job. Which, sounds like your going to complain about that because you'd have to put your son in daycare and blah blah blah. Whatever. Just tell hiim you can't afford that stuff. Not that hard.

    Answer by sarapurser at 9:39 PM on May. 18, 2009

  • being a sahm is amazing. i just started being a sahm and i love it. right now we are tight on money as well because my SO is transitioning to a new job which when he finishes training will make us comfortable money wise. BUT it is tight and we are both fine with that for the time being. but if we both werent happy i would pick up a part time job to at least save up some money so in the long run, i could be a SAHM and we could BOTH be happy. have you thought about that?

    Answer by MomNbabyGirl009 at 9:48 PM on May. 18, 2009

  • I dont do anything?? I'd love to have you do my job for a week, and see if your not exhausted. I was really hoping for some help, not people telling me to get a job. We have money, we pay all our bills, still eat out at least twice a week, and do plenty of fun things. I was just saying we used to eat out everyday, and go to movies and out to bars every weekend. Now my priorities have changed, yet I feel his havent. And ya know what, no, I dont want to put my son in daycare. Have you seen what things can happen at daycares. My best friend has changed daycares 3 times this year. One of them punished kids like they do in the army, made them kneel on a broomstick. The other one had her daughter come home with an awful diaper rash cause she wasnt getting changed enough. Honestly, I dont even know why I bother asking questions here, its always the same ol thing, I never actually get any help, just mean answers. Thanks!!!!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:49 PM on May. 18, 2009

  • And I cant pick up a part time job because my husbands schedule is different from week to week, and hes always getting called in. I also have no family near here, and neither does he.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:50 PM on May. 18, 2009

  • and as far as the things being done on your part. that is your job just like it is my job as a sahm. at his job he has certain things he has to finish in a days work, as well as us sahms. i make sure the house is spotless all laundry is done food is going to be cooked and ready baby is bathed im showered and everything is just... done. thats my job while im a sahm. yes its hard work and it is 24/7 but thats a job you agreed to and took on. if you need help talk to him about it. and when he gets off work you should both take care of the baby. but house jobs such as cleaning, fixing whatever needs fixed grocery shopping etc. that should be done that day. JMO

    Answer by MomNbabyGirl009 at 9:50 PM on May. 18, 2009

  • Do you go through your monthly budgets and spending together?

    Just doing that made a huge difference in curbing my hubby's spending.

    Answer by mogencreative at 9:52 PM on May. 18, 2009

  • Oh, and trade off - each of you gets at least one sleep in day a week.

    Another big help for my sanity.

    Answer by mogencreative at 9:52 PM on May. 18, 2009

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