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Am I being irrational?

My Mother in Law and I have an extremely bad relationship. I had to get a restraining order from her- TWICE. I am posting this anonymously because she 'stalks' me on Cafemom even.

A little more background- my mother in law has tried several times (unsuccessfully) to get my husband to divorce me and take the kids. She sends me hate mail- she calls CPS on me- she reports me to state officials for ficticious infractions. (Everything has always been dismissed and proven to be malicious accusations)

My mother in law recently planned a party in which I am not invited for one of my kids bdays. I already have a party planned on that day. She threw a HUGE tantrum. Now Dh wants to cancel our party for the sake of peace.

I protested- telling him that these were the boundaries we had created for her previously and that by allowing her to break them (yet again) we were going to enable her bad behaviors.

I want to know if its irrati


Asked by Anonymous at 2:03 AM on Jun. 21, 2008 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • This is some serious Oedipal shit. If your husband does not pick you every time unconditionally, whether you're right or wrong in your disagreements with your ML, he is flawed. She sounds absolutely nuts. Thirty days is a great start, maybe you should try even longer.

    Answer by danielp at 6:58 PM on Jun. 23, 2008

    I want to know if its irrational to ask Dh if we can go 30 days without any contact with her. I feel like I NEED some time to not have to worry about her antics everyday. Is this an irrational request?

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:05 AM on Jun. 21, 2008

  • I would say no! Just because she is your MIL does not mean that you have to allow her to walk all over you. If I were you... I would have moved a long time ago. She needs to realize her baby boy is all grown up and you are the boss of YOUR family now.

    Answer by sapient at 2:08 AM on Jun. 21, 2008

  • No I believe you are not being irrational.She sounds like she needs some help.You deserve a break from her.She sounds like my sisters MIL they ended up divorced they are now remarried and have set the limits.

    Answer by momof8gmaof2 at 2:11 AM on Jun. 21, 2008

  • i sure hope my MIL doesn't end up that way. i don't want to see her at all. but your case is much more serious. you are not irrational! move away. i understand it's his mom, but he needs to grow up and understand that he is a family man now. not a momma's boy. she needs serious help. and he needs to recognize that and set boundaries. sure hope it doesn't resolve to it, because it is his mom, but you might need to end all contact with her. or have him and your kids visit alone. and you take the day off. if you simply cant get along, divorce his mom, not him.

    Answer by x0x0mommyx0x0 at 2:21 AM on Jun. 21, 2008

  • I think you are COMPLETELY rational! If MY husband chose my MIL's party for "peace" after everything she has done, I would take a break from them all. Sounds like you got involved in a bit of crazy. Sorry, no intentions of offending you or your husband. MIL on the other hand...she seems looney! I think your husband should support you in this. If he doesn't, maybe you need to take a break for a little while? I'm not saying to leave him, just that maybe you need to let him see for himself how serious you are. I agree that he needs to grow up and tell her he has a family and you guys live your life how you want, not how she feels you should. I do however disagree with x0x0mommyx0x0, I would not allow him to take my children to see her alone. She has obvious problems...I would not want my children exposed to that, expecially without me there.
    If you need or want to talk, feel free to message me!
    GOOD LUCK!!!

    Answer by amyj1420 at 3:32 AM on Jun. 21, 2008

  • You and your husband need to set boundaries with this woman. Aside from the strain it is causing on you, and I am sure your marriage, your children are going to think that Grandma makes the rules and not consider you the authority figure. Had the same problemm with my MIL for a while. No where near that same degree, but it was bad. We spoke with her about it, and then moved across town from her. Things have gotten a lot better! I think that maybe a break from her would help her rationalize the situation or at least let her know that you are serious.

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 3:51 AM on Jun. 21, 2008

  • I am sorry to say this...but sometimes the truth hurts. Your problem is not with your MIL it is with your DH. He needs to pick a side and it had better be yours. She is crazy!!!...and he needs to deal with her...if he wants a relationship with her, fine...but you don't have to put up with that kind of abuse. She is getting her kicks out of causing trouble for you and between you and him. He needs to stick to those boundries that you set. I feel so bad for you...She must be related to the wicked witch of the west! LOL

    Answer by MommasCooCoo at 4:31 AM on Jun. 21, 2008

  • no its not this is fine i cant beleive he wants you to cancell your party... i would be telling her to go to hell and i would not let someone like her around my children....she abviously doesnt want to treat you nicely and fairly so i would dot the same to her.

    Answer by mommieofone06 at 8:44 AM on Jun. 21, 2008

  • making false reports to CPS is a federal offense. Insist CPS prosecute the person making unfounded reports. It only takes 3 unfounded reports to get the ball rolling.

    Answer by vbruno at 11:31 AM on Jun. 21, 2008