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do any of your kids who were adopted out that call you mommy?

I ask this bc my son was adopted but he was only adopted out to a man. He has no adopted mom. Should i ask his adopted dad if my son can still call me mommy?

 
Thaifalung20

Asked by Thaifalung20 at 11:57 PM on May. 18, 2009 in Adoption

Level 1 (3 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • If that is what you are wanting him to call you, you should definitely talk to his dad about it. Maybe start it out with "Have you thought about what ____ will call me? I was thinking _______, what do you think about that?"

    Of course, this is with the assumption that the child is too young to make the decision on his own. If he is, I'd say, 5 or older, I'd not only talk to the dad, but then find out what the child wants (either by you and dad talking to him or just dad).
    AllAboutKeeley

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 2:43 PM on May. 19, 2009

  • I'm an adoptive mom but I can tell you my breakdown.... Keep in mind, children weren't domestic infant adoptions, they've all been thru foster or something similar, so that may change it up a bit.

    My 22 y/o calls me Mom or Mommy and her birth mom either by her first name or Mom - she was 9 when she came into our lives, 15 when she left us & came back at 19 - she's an adult adoptee. We weren't allowed to adopt her as a child.

    My 7 y/o is still foster right now but we're in the middle of TPR. She calls us both Mom, though she's not had any physical contact with her first mom for almost a year :(

    My 3 y/o is adopted - his birth mom is my 22 y/o - he came to us at 15m via ICPC foster - long story - if someone wants to know more, ask. He calls me Mom or Mommy and his birthmom, he calls her Mya (a special title for just him).

    My 3 month old doesn't say anything but will be taught a special name for her - just like my 3 y/o.
    AAAMama

    Answer by AAAMama at 12:08 AM on May. 19, 2009

  • I think birth mommy would be more appropriate.
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 2:08 AM on May. 19, 2009

  • our daughter is 20 months old, but we refer to her birthmom as "Mommy-J____", and probally will keep it that way.....I'm not a big fan of the terms "first mom, or tummy mom, etc".....she is Mom____ and I am Mom. less confusing that way.... we will explain more to her later, and I like the above idea about a "special name" for just them! that is sweet, and I may give my daughter the choice of doing such, also! thanks for the idea, J....! ;-)
    JayGirlsMom

    Answer by JayGirlsMom at 8:43 AM on May. 19, 2009

  • I think "Birth Mommy!" would sound weird coming across the park, but I, as a foster/adopt mom, would agree with Mommy ___(your name)____. Only because that leaves room for his wife, if he were to get married in the future. (Seems that Daddy, Mommy, & Rita might be awkward, but maybe not.) It also depends on your circumstances. How is your relationship with this man, friendly? Is it an open adoption? (I'm assuming that it is from how you asked the question.) Ultimately, it's up to you & him. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Perhaps he wouldn't mind at all. There is no book for right or wrong in adoption. Whatever works the best for the child. Good luck to you all!
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 10:37 AM on May. 19, 2009

  • I think that adults set the stage for what types of terms of reference are comfortable for the family. However as adoptees grow older I hope the folks know they will re-decide for themselves what they are comfortable with.

    So tummy-mummy (or others) might be a term that is outgrown and replaced by the adoptees choice.

    OP, I would think you should have the conversation with adoptive dad - it's entirely possible that he's been referring to you as "mom" or that he hasn't though it through. If you have open lines of communication then by all means talk it through :)
    PortAngeles1969

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 12:08 PM on May. 19, 2009

  • with an open adoption, and he still gets to see you, i would go with "Mommy-....." that sounds better than tummy mommy out loud on the playground. we use "tummy mommy " as a reference, but then, we dont have contact with birth moms.
    lovinallofthem

    Answer by lovinallofthem at 2:06 PM on May. 19, 2009

  • My kids call their birth mom by her first name. I am mommy she gave them life I am there for them everyday I earned the title. I love thier birth mom she is great and does not overstep. She is a friend to them not a parent.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:35 PM on May. 19, 2009

  • I am not comfortable with my child calling her birth mother Mommy. I don't like the term birth mother or tummy mommy either. I haven't found something I like or seems to fit. So far we use birthmother with the explanation that she grew in her tummy. As she gets old enough we will just use her first name.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:57 PM on May. 19, 2009