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How do you cope with the bickering?

My 2 oldest are 16 months apart and are very close. My son is 4 and dd is 3. They play well together and are great friends but they also fight horribly! Like cats and dogs at times. I was like this with my little sister growing up too.
My question is how do you cope when your kids are bickering? I find that the more I try to referee the worse the bickering get's and I'm talking non stop till I get so frustrated that I tell them we're going to have a no talking moment. If I let them bicker back and forth they try go on forever!
What do you do????

 
AmandaH321

Asked by AmandaH321 at 9:58 AM on May. 19, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 20 (8,472 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • 2) I will not call names. 3) I will not snatch toys. 4) I WILL ask with a kind voice. 5) I will share and have a sweet attitude. etc etc.

    Attitude towards family members can be horrible and if not checked when children are small, these same attitudes will be directed to those in authority over them, namely parents, then teachers. That is totally unacceptable behavior and these can be taught to young children the same as our pets can be trained. :) <--funny analogy, but true.

    Make sure to make a plan for working thru these issues for several days at a time, and address the issue EACH and EVERY time it occurs. You'll find that after about 3 days, their habit of mistreating each other will subside, not perfectly go away, but you'll be able to answer from another room "Hey guys, how do we treat each other?" and they'll be able to remember the rules of being loving and kind to each other and you'll find they'll ....
    lifeasinoit

    Answer by lifeasinoit at 11:23 AM on May. 19, 2009

  • Yeah, that crap ruins my evening when my 2 go at it. I make them separate into their own rooms and play by themselves.
    prettyrayray

    Answer by prettyrayray at 10:01 AM on May. 19, 2009

  • unless they are physically hurting each other I would put them in the same room until they work it out. they need to learn how to handle their own problems. You are not always going to be there to help them. If you are not at home when they are fighting I would put them both in a time out (no matter where you are) for fighting.

    maiahlynn

    Answer by maiahlynn at 10:54 AM on May. 19, 2009

  • take Xanax....mine are 2 girls in there early teens now!
    chefjen

    Answer by chefjen at 11:12 AM on May. 19, 2009

  • Unfortunately, these kids aren't old and mature enough to figure out how to work out their own problems. We humans, at least in a society where we have boundaries and expectations of behavior, have to be trained and taught how to treat each other, ESP. in debatable situations.

    This is what I would do. I would be first working on teaching them respect for each other. The problem isn't as much what they are fighting about, as much as it is how they handle their emotions and what they say to each other. These tools will take them further in life, b/c life IS full of disagreements. Later you can work on the "issue" at hand.

    I would sit down with them in another place in the home, not where they were fighting and ask one of them to discribe the problem. When they start to whine or scream, stop the convo and say "That's NOT how we will speak to each other. Remember you love your (bro.) and we must always speak ...contin
    lifeasinoit

    Answer by lifeasinoit at 11:15 AM on May. 19, 2009

  • with respect. You must use a tone like this: ..." At that point I would use the issue to create a dialogue of what she wants using respectful tones and words. Draw boundaries on never allowing name calling. That's NEVER fair grounds. Never allow snatching. I taught my children that if they wanted a particular toy, they had to open their hand and ask for it kindly. If the toy wasn't placed in their hand to be shared, then they had to ask very lovingly and kindly and give reasons why they believed it was theirs to have at that moment. Actually, this sounds complicated, but truly it isn't and this teaching isn't hard for 3 and 4 yr olds to understand.

    One way to help young children learn the rules and boundaries of relationships and disagreements is to write those rules on the fridge. When one or both are fighting, have them come to the kit. and read the rules to them. 1) I will not scream at my family. continued..
    lifeasinoit

    Answer by lifeasinoit at 11:19 AM on May. 19, 2009

  • cont.....less to fight about. Rearing good and kind children is a full time job. But these characters have to be seen by the children being used by the parents, and then verbally taught by those they respect. :) Have fun with them. Train them well and everyone around them will love them as much as you do!! :) dt
    lifeasinoit

    Answer by lifeasinoit at 11:24 AM on May. 19, 2009

  • I tell them to knock it off before someone gets hurt. I will say something three times then they go into time out.

    Once out of time out (it's more for calming down than actual punishment at this stage) if it happens again, I let it go until someone gets hurt. (and someone always gets hurt) After a quick check for bleeding or broken bones, I put them both in the corner, this time for punishment.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:38 AM on May. 19, 2009

  • I TRIED TO DIVERT THEIR ATTENTION ELSEWHERE.
    older

    Answer by older at 11:45 AM on May. 19, 2009

  • i wouldn't say it three times only once, then time out. and I wouldn't allow it to get to the point where someone gets hurt. I used to have a friend(who is now passed away) who made her kids hold hands until they were getting along, it worked on the kids especially because they were young.
    Try it have them hold hands until they are getting along. when you do find something that works stay consistent with it.
    maiahlynn

    Answer by maiahlynn at 10:47 PM on May. 19, 2009