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need help dealing with a dizzy dad..

At first he threatened he would fight me on custody then When I said I would leave his house & 401 k he agreed on joint custody. At first he saw our two girls once a week all day. Later he decided he only wanted them three hours each week. Each time he would get mad at me he would decided he would give up his visitation rights,telling this to our 6 yr old. Now he continues to go back & forth on if he wants to see them or not, giving me little to notice on what he is doing . He had his mother call me & tell me he no longer wants to see the girls. I told her he is close to 40 & he needs to talk for himself. This was after a judge ordered him to pay guideline child support. All that matters to me is the girls. I believe he is hurting them by rejecting them. I am conflicted on what to do. Do I keep it open so he can see them if he wants? Or do I ask the judge to take his visitation away? my kids need consistency!

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maiahlynn

Asked by maiahlynn at 10:07 AM on May. 19, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 13 (1,143 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • Talk to your lawyer or judge about it, and see what they advise. It's hard on the girls, but not seeing their father period would probably be just as hard. GL.
    BisketLiss

    Answer by BisketLiss at 10:09 AM on May. 19, 2009

  • I personally would take it to the courts but only you can decide wha tis right for oyur children. I personally think he is doing them more harm than good.
    tat2edmommyof2

    Answer by tat2edmommyof2 at 10:10 AM on May. 19, 2009

  • he is doing more harm then good and I would go back to court. let the judge know what he is doing and ask him what he feels is best in this situation.I agree that not seeing their dad will be hard, but as long as he is being so cruel and damaging, gett ehm away from him. Always tell them "dad loves you so much he is just confused about himself right now and thats not your fault" never bad mounth him, and just love them. as for ex...get all the child support you can and take him back to court.
    Bearsjen

    Answer by Bearsjen at 10:34 AM on May. 19, 2009

  • Usually I think it's better to keep the dad involved... but in this case it seems like he is trying to hurt you by hurting them.... kind of like "it's your mom's fault that I don't love you, blame her" type thing.
    I would get his visitation rights taken away and find another stong male to fill that void in their life. I think girls espcially need a father figure... but it could be anyone from a step parent to just a good friend.
    AmiJanell

    Answer by AmiJanell at 10:53 AM on May. 19, 2009

  • Stability for the human being is paramount to feeling secure. For your children this will be the hardest road you'll walk with them.

    Since the dad is totally unstable, then there needs to be something set in place, either from you setting boundaries or the courts that set a consistant time each week or every two weeks where he will visit with the children. Start this way, ask him what would work for him (every week or 2 wks?). Ask him what time the girls can expect you? Ask him how should you handle when he changes the plan? And decide how you will handle that situation.

    IF you are unable to come up with a workable plan that both of you can hold to, then offer to him that you will be pressed (by his actions) to ask a judge what is best. He will prob. start off doing the right thing, then as time goes on begin to sway from the boundaries. That's when you will need to confront him again and state ....
    lifeasinoit

    Answer by lifeasinoit at 11:06 AM on May. 19, 2009

  • contin..."I will be pressed to be advised from a judge if you are unable to fulfill your commitment." Somewhere in his life he's not been held to healthy boundaries in relationships. He thinks he can act on how he feels rather than on a commitment he's made.

    If he truly feels like he is in the right, and he could be, remember we're only hearing your side, but if you feel like you are in the right, a lawyer would actually put him in his place. My ex get his goat taken whenever he thinks he's on the "right side". B.c he never is. LOL
    lifeasinoit

    Answer by lifeasinoit at 11:08 AM on May. 19, 2009

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