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What do you do when best friends all of a sudden have different lives and don't connect anymore?

I met my best friend 13 yrs ago when we were both going through our divorces. I had 2 small children, she didn't have any. We have seen each other through so much. She and her husband remarried and have now been happily remarried for 10 yrs. I remarried (not same husband) in 2004. I'm closer to her than to my own sisters. She knows things about me that only me and God know. Now, the problem...
my children are now grown, my youngest will leave for college in the fall and my friend is in the midst of adopting a foster child. Everything she is going through I am so over. Not only that, she was always available to me because she had no children. So, I thought ok this is my opportunity to be there for her like she was there for me, but she is not interested in my advice or guidence. She just calls in a hysteria, but wants no solution. I have stopped giving advice,but it's hard when i see her making mistakes that can be avioded.


Asked by Anonymous at 11:48 AM on May. 19, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • She still needs you as a friend. She is on a different road right now, but in time the two roads will join again. Keep up being there for her. Friendship is a precious thing.

    Answer by Bmat at 11:59 AM on May. 19, 2009

  • Even though it's years later, this is a new learning experience for her. It's time for her to make her mistakes. Just remind her that you've been there, so if she needs advice ask, otherwise you'll be there to listen.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:51 AM on May. 19, 2009

  • Keep being there for her and make sure she knows that if she needs you youll be there. But dont tell her things that she is doing wrong or things that she has to do with her child. Im pregnant with my first and thats already driving me crazy i have so many people telling me how i HAVE to raise my son. I know that im going to make mistakes many of them but thats part of being a parent no 2 people do it the same. Let her make her own mistakes and just be there for her to help her through them when shit hits the fan. Thats the best thing that i think you can do right now.

    Answer by Shelii at 12:11 PM on May. 19, 2009

  • My best friend and I have been friends for almost a decade. My kids are both in school, I've been married for 6 years now. She got married last December and her baby is due any day now. It feels weird listening to her gripe about the same things I did 4-5 years ago. I've grown, and try to give her good advice, but it seems like it goes in one ear and out the other.
    The only thing I can do now is listen. She needs to make the mistakes on her own. When she does figure things out, I'll be there to help her however she needs it. It may be frustrating to see her make the same mistakes and say the same things that I did, but when I was going through them, she was just my ear, she didn't have the advice to give me. So be the same to her. It's hard, but let her make the mistakes and grow from them the way you had to.
    Does that make sense?

    Answer by mamahud at 12:31 PM on May. 19, 2009

  • Sometimes best friends just listen, and validate your feelings, and it sounds like that's what she wants now.

    Answer by mogencreative at 2:50 PM on May. 19, 2009