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Would you remain friends with someone...

If you knew they said some really bad things about you and your family behind your back, but at one point they were a really good friend? And they moved away too. I had a friend like this. She was great, we hung out 24/7 but then come to find out she had said some things (that were not true) like that when she would have us over for dinner, we would eat all of her food (but she forgot to mention that we BOUGHT the food lol! We would buy steaks, sides, drinks, EVERYTHING and take it to her house to cook for her while her hubby was deployed). She also told everyone my house was really dirty when really it was the opposite. I clean every day, and yes my house isnt perfect but she is the one who would leave food on her carpets for weeks, had really dirty bathrooms and expired food in her kitchen. I cleaned her house for her two or three times. But she's moved now, and she is still trying to be friends. What would you do?

 
AprilDJC

Asked by AprilDJC at 1:26 PM on May. 19, 2009 in Relationships

Level 20 (8,524 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • I agree with all of the answers above. You need to address the situation and let her know what it is that you heard. When you do talk to her..make sure you are clam and cool about it. If she gets very defensive it's kind of a sign that it was her saying the things. You can't just go off of what other people tell you and if this is someone that has been in your life for a while then you really need to make sure that you talk to her about it. If it was her that was saything these things then I would just tell her that you don't need people like that in your life that are going to try to bring you down. Friendship isn't suppose to be like that and you need to trust and know that they are on your side. It's about quality...not quanity!!
    morgansmama06

    Answer by morgansmama06 at 1:45 PM on May. 19, 2009

  • nope sure wouldn't be her friend, anyone who says bad things about you or your family isn't a friend.
    Rebeccaroe

    Answer by Rebeccaroe at 1:30 PM on May. 19, 2009

  • It's entirely up to you. Have you tried to talk to her about what she said and did? I think whether or not you choose to remain friends, you should let her know what you've heard. It could be that someone wants to come between the two of you, and the things you've heard may not even be the truth. Stranger things than that have happened. And, if she did say them, ask her why she would want to harm your reputation and your friendship with her.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 1:34 PM on May. 19, 2009

  • I would definately talk to her first, remember this is all coming from a third party so good chance she didn't say those things or the truth has been made to be bigger with added words or version of what she said. If you guys are good friends I am sure you can find a way to approach her about it but no be judgemental in regards to already making her guilty. You will be able to tell wether or not she said those things and if she denies it and did say them at least it will put her on the warning that things will get back to you and she better watch what she says. good luck
    LuvmyFam6

    Answer by LuvmyFam6 at 1:39 PM on May. 19, 2009

  • Do u really need to be friends with someone like tht who is going to upset you?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:50 PM on May. 19, 2009

  • There was a lot going on between a group of our friends at the time, and this particular friend had had a falling out with 2 of our other friends because she had been talking about another friend behind her back. She invited them over for dinner as a reconciliation type thing. These 2 friends were very excited at the prospect of working things out. But when they came back from dinner, they were very quiet and just said basically she hadn't changed and they couldn't be her friend any more. Well this friend moved, and just a few weeks ago it came out that at that dinner she had told them all this supposed stuff about us, how we ate all her food, how messy our house was, how dirty our kids are (LOL), how I always was late for everything. Well these 2 friends knew that wasnt true because they know me lol and they didn't say anything to me about it til she had moved so I can't have a face to face with her. But I believe its true.
    AprilDJC

    Answer by AprilDJC at 1:50 PM on May. 19, 2009

  • But she has been trying to get us to move down to where she is when we leave here (with the military), and have barbecue with her, and hang out and all that. So I'm really not sure! She talks to me all the time on the instant messenger about how she misses our dinners together and going places together, and how her kids miss my kids and all this. I mean nothing she supposedly said is true about us, so I don't know why she would say it other than maybe she was trying to drive a wedge between me and our other 2 friends so that she was my only friend, and their only friends too lol. Who knows, it all seems so high schoolish!
    AprilDJC

    Answer by AprilDJC at 1:53 PM on May. 19, 2009

  • cut ties. she's toxic and will more than likely get worse. Do you really need someone like that in your life?
    pagirl71

    Answer by pagirl71 at 2:07 PM on May. 19, 2009

  • No I don't. I've always had a difficult time ending friendships because I recall all the GOOD times and I just wonder what went wrong. Its crazy I know, I just can't ever tell if I really should give someone a second chance, or if its time to let it go.
    AprilDJC

    Answer by AprilDJC at 2:10 PM on May. 19, 2009

  • I would wait until next time she mentions something about really missing your dinners together, or how your kids are so dirty and then reply back with well I dont know if we could do that again since we eat all your food and you wouldnt want your kids to play with my dirty kids, and just wait for a reaction, and based on how she reacted I would decide, see the whole thing is she said he said so who do you really believe?
    hautemama83

    Answer by hautemama83 at 3:27 PM on May. 19, 2009