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I NEED HELP. How do deal with my daughter's father if he refuses to be civil?

I have a 14 year old daughter who has not had any type of communication with her father since she was 4 until just last Father's Day. Ten years have gone by and he now says he wants a relationship with her. She wants a relationship with him however he is not pursuing very hard. He only calls her when he is feeling sorry for himself ex. losing his job, no music gig, no girlfriend etc. When he does call her he talks about how great looking he is and how good he can play guitar. She wants just a minute of his undivided attention and she just can't seem to get it. When she tries to explain how he is making her feel he accuses her of being me. Anytime she speaks her mind he thinks it is me pretending to be our child. I have tried to talk civilly to him however he refuses to talk or listen to anything I say. My daughter has expressed great desire to have her name changed because she does not want anything to do with her dad.

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KAM34

Asked by KAM34 at 3:23 PM on May. 19, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (3)
  • Sound to me like you just need to get caller ID and when he calls do not answer. Tell your daughter that when she gets married her name can get changed free. This is just me here...I would not waist the money changing her last name.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 3:31 PM on May. 19, 2009

  • My dad is the same way, I know how she feels. Unfortunately in this situation she has to be the adult. Let her choose if she wants to talk to him or not, if not dont make her answer the phone. I'm sorry I just dont think donating sperm 14 years ago and showing up after 10 years gives him the right to have a relationship with her. Yes, if she wants a relationship with him she can pursue that but she has to understand that is just how he is, it isnt her fault and there isnt anything she can do about it.  She can try to tell him how it makes her feel but it doesnt sound like is working very well.

    Chandra034

    Answer by Chandra034 at 3:45 PM on May. 19, 2009

  • god, sounds just like my kids father-
    Sometimes I wish I would have kept this ONE comment to myself-I was stupid and said
    "when your on your death bed do you really think all 4 of your kids that you dont ever make an attempt to see are gonna come rushing to your side-or even care?" now he calls when he wants attention-and sadly my kid gives it to him- stupid fool!
    judith_visco

    Answer by judith_visco at 3:47 PM on May. 19, 2009

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