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Have you placed your child for adoption only to find that your family thinks...

that you made the worse decision ever? I placed my son for adoption a few months ago. From birth he went home with his new family. Some of my family thinks I made a horrible mistake. I know my decision was the right one. I could not take care of two children. None of my family would of helped. How do you let them know you made the right decision?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 4:36 PM on May. 19, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (11)
  • If you feel you made the right decision thats all that matters, I'm sure you thought long and hard about it.

    Answer by Amanda704 at 4:38 PM on May. 19, 2009

  • I wouldnt worry about their feelings on the subject. As long as you know in your heart that you made the right decision, then you are FINE!

    I feel that it is very brave to realize that you cannot handle it, to choose to give the baby LIFE, and find a loving caring home for him!!! Congratulations on having GUTS!

    Answer by mom2twobabes at 4:38 PM on May. 19, 2009

  • You don't worry about them. They will do and say what they will. You made the hardest decision of your life. You made it for good, sound reasons. Find peace in your heart that you loved him enough to do what was best for him. If your family gets in your face and you just have to say something try "and YOU offered to take him when?"

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 4:40 PM on May. 19, 2009

  • One thing I learned is that people will talk no matter what you do, if you would of kept it, then they would be talking about how you kept a child you couldn't take care of. As long as you feel you made the right decision then that's all that matters, you did the best thing for that child and hopefully this family will be able to give it the love and attention and/or things you are not capable right now. Don't beat yourself up for it, not specially over other people.

    Answer by LuvmyFam6 at 4:43 PM on May. 19, 2009

  • I agree with everyone else. I wouldn't worry about what these people have to say. As long as you know you did the right thing, don't let them get to you. Obviously you love your children, I'm sure anyone who's been in your shoes has second thoughts....but you did what was best for all of you. Besides, if your family wasn't going to help you, how dare they say you made a mistake by going thru with the adoption.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:46 PM on May. 19, 2009

  • I don't know that you can convince your family members that you made the right decision if they don't believe so.

    What I can offer is that it does SUCK that these decisions fall so heavily weighted to the mom. As a fellow birth mom I can understand how irritating it is to have your family come forward with their opinions "afterwards" and not step up actively in the before hand process of decision making.

    As an adoptee, my heart says, "of course more than just the birth mom is feeling the loss of having this child in the family". It may be coming out all weird and directed at "your decision" but maybe underneath that they too are grieving and just aren't doing a very good job of articulating it.

    Anyhow, I hope that you surround yourself with the support you need. Adoption is a lifelong journey for all triad members and it is always easier when you have others at your side who understand.

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 4:53 PM on May. 19, 2009

  • It does suck that no matter what you did or choices made there will always be people who are supposed to love and support you who will judge you the most harshly. If you had raised this child the very same people might have said how selfish you are. There is just no pleasing everyone. The only people you are responsible for is you and your children. It may have been the right decision for your children and you and all you can do is know that you did the best you could at the time you were making choices about your future and the future of your children. I am almost sure that no woman wants to do what you did as a first option. But you did what you felt was necessary in order to provide all three of you with a better chance.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:32 PM on May. 19, 2009

  • I'm sorry your family feels that way. You made the decision you felt was best for you & your baby & I'm sure it wasnt easy. Your family should be supporting you instead of judging you.

    Answer by MB80sGirl at 7:26 PM on May. 19, 2009

  • What you did was an unselfish act of love. That couldnt be wrong.

    Answer by MamaBear0f4 at 8:20 PM on May. 19, 2009

  • A good friend of mine placed her son for adoption when we were 16. At the time, many friends told her to abort and her family was opposed to the adoption. Her mom actually disowned her (then recanted later). She did what she believed to be best, and eventually they all agreed that she had made the best decision. I agree with what PortAngeles said about your family probably feeling grief and not showing it in the right way. I hope they will make an effort to be more supportive. You made a hard decision and did what you thought was best. Give yourself credit for being a strong and intelligent woman.

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 11:59 PM on May. 19, 2009

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