Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Would it be weird for me to get a boutineere for my birthson at my wedding?

My son was adopted and the adoption is open they said they would love to come to my wedding i just don't know whither to treat him like a normal guest or otherwise.

Answer Question
 
Whitney_Lynn

Asked by Whitney_Lynn at 5:18 PM on May. 19, 2009 in Adoption

Level 3 (26 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Hmmm....I'm not sure. Do you have a relationship with the adoptive parents? If so, tell them what you're thinking and how you're feeling and see if it would be awkward for anyone involved. If it's not then I say go for it :) COngrats on the wedding :)
    vicki136

    Answer by vicki136 at 5:21 PM on May. 19, 2009

  • A very small boutonniere sounds like a sweet idea. Something very tiny. Maybe treat him as a regular guest with that one small exception. A gentle gesture.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 5:28 PM on May. 19, 2009

  • This child is not a normal guest. So talk to his parents and tell them that you want to include him as being recognized as part of your family but you don't want to make him or them uncomfortable. See if his parents have any thoughts or preferences/insights into what may make your son most comfortable. But I have to maintain he is not the average guest. My guess is that he is a guest with a special honor and place in your heart. If friends and family (especially family) will be wanting to spend time with him he needs prep from his parents so they can gage where he is at on that if he does not already know his biological family well. And talk about what your wishes are for famiy photos. It would be weird to not include him but also strange if he was not expecting that. There are special details to work out because this is a special day for you and for him. His mother is getting married. (Congrats!)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:53 PM on May. 19, 2009

  • Unless he's IN the wedding, I would wonder why he had one on sitting out amongst the guests. Do all the guests that you are inviting know of the adoption? It sounds like you don't want to leave him out, I can understand that. What about some other more personal token of affection? A necklace (Dog-tags with your names & the date) or something like that. If your adoption is open, I would definitely talk to the Aparents, and depending on his age, him. Hopefully you'll find a way to make him "included" on that day. Good luck! and Congrats!
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 9:04 PM on May. 19, 2009

  • My son is 2 and a half years old alot of you were wandering that so i just thought i would put that out there also.
    Whitney_Lynn

    Answer by Whitney_Lynn at 11:44 PM on May. 19, 2009

  • I would get him one. He's not just another guest. he's your son
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:32 AM on May. 20, 2009

  • Oh, a little guy! I was imagining a teenager sitting back there somewhere! LOL! If it were me, I would be fine with it, but mentioning it before the wedding could make sure that there aren't any misunderstandings. But it's an open adoption, right? How do you think they would feel? I think it would make him feel special! Especially if you see him all the time anyway.
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 1:32 AM on May. 20, 2009

  • I would have one for him - he's still your son, even if you're not his parent.... have you asked his parents what they think about it? I'm guessing if they're coming to the wedding, you're blessed with a very good relationship, so I think they'd be ok with it.

    Good luck and congrats on your upcoming marriage! :)
    AAAMama

    Answer by AAAMama at 2:03 AM on May. 20, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.