Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

This is a hard question, has anyone else ever thought adoption might be best?

I have two beautiful girls that I love, but I can't take care of. I have a mental illness, and I don't think they need to stay with me. I am just to up and down, and I just can't tolerate them and myself at the same time. I have been thinking about adoption for awhile, but I wasn't sure?

Answer Question

Asked by JBirdie at 12:27 AM on May. 20, 2009 in Adoption

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • It's a wonderful mother who knows her limitations and is willing to find her children a loving home so they can have a life without her personal chaos. I think you are a wonderful mother for considering it. I'm sure an open adoption would work well for you. It would take pressure off yet you could still be a part of their lives if you chose to.

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:30 AM on May. 20, 2009

  • I agree with pp. Sometimes the best thing to do is find them a safe and happy home with someone else. If you are thinking about it, it is probably what is best for them and you.
    I know a lady who had a baby young and kept the baby, and raised him until he was 18 months old. She gave him up for adoption because she knew that she couldn't be a mom anymore. He is now a young man and is so happy that he had such a wonderful life with his adoptive parents.
    Good luck and BIG HUGS!

    Answer by Nathskitten at 12:38 AM on May. 20, 2009

  • Another idea is to find someone close to you who has legal guardianship, but will allow you to stay in their lives to a greater degree. Do you have a family member who might be willing to help? God bless you, and I hope you find what will work best for you and your daughters.

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 12:49 AM on May. 20, 2009

  • You know - I think it's worth considering but something I spoke with my 22 y/o about before she was certain that she felt our son should be adopted (she's his birthmom) was that do not quickly choose a permanent solution for a temporary problem.

    I wanted her to make SURE that this was what she wanted and felt was best for herself and our son (our - meaning hers, and ours - dh and me). She was sure because her birthmom wasn't ever willing to give her stability or permanence as a child and she yearned for it.

    Sometimes, loving means letting go. Not always - but sometimes it does.

    I hope you find the solution that works best for you and your children. Best of luck to you :)

    Answer by AAAMama at 1:54 AM on May. 20, 2009

  • My niece suffers from a mental illness and has a 7 year old daughter. Her mom stepped in and helped her when my niece couldn't.

    Adoption is permanent. What about finding a family member, friend, or even talking with children services about temporary foster care while you get help?

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:23 AM on May. 20, 2009

  • What kind of medicines and therapy have you tried to help you with your condition? If you feel that whatever you are doing isn't helping, I would seek a second opinion from a psychiatrist or psychologist before I even thought about adoption...

    Best of luck to you!

    Answer by blessed3times at 9:13 AM on May. 20, 2009

  • Thi is such a sad question! I cannot imagine the heartbreak of a decision like yours. ~~
    ~~ But, I would think that if I had to chose between chosing a family to adopt my children, or having them taken away from me to foster care, I would choose adoption.
    Do you have anyone to help you? Someone that can take the girls for awhile, maybe a few months or even years, until you can get the help you need? What about their father(s)?
    I would stay away from voluntarily turning them over to foster care, because you might have a hard time getting them back out of "the system"!

    Answer by christyg at 1:32 PM on May. 20, 2009

  • I would think gving them up would cause you to hurt more. Can't you get n medication and start seeing a therapist. I would think at this point that they would be hurt and suffer emotional problems to know there mother just walked away in a moment of weakness. If you feel you are truly not a good mom and can imagine life without your kids then I would go ahead with the adoption but it is permanent and once you give up on your children they are going to be very hard to get back if you change your mind. I know you are fighting your own personal battles but try to get help and see someone before you let your babies go.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:48 PM on May. 20, 2009

  • I would seriously get another opinion and try different meds. Because if you decide on adoption first, instead of meds, and then find a medicine that works for you, your going to be living a life you dont like without your children.
    I would ask someone to help you find another doctor to get the correct meds. do you have family or good friends to help you? Possibly even help with the kids until you find the right meds? This could be a temporary problem....I'd keep searching before I'd ever even think about adoption.

    Answer by JESSEMOM at 1:51 PM on May. 20, 2009

  • First get as much help for yourself as you can!! Have you ever thought your kids are the thread that keeps you from going over the edge of no return?? Let them know you have bad days ,kids understand much more than most of us realize. Love them as much as you can on the good days.
    I have often thought my kids would be better off with out me (On My Bad Days) but I cant bear the thought of being away from them for to long...

    Answer by McMac at 2:03 PM on May. 20, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.