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Am i just being a bitch?

Ok so me and my boyfriend have a month old daughter. He isnt really alot of help when it comes to taking care of her && when i as for help its a fight - That i have somewhat surrendered but it still bothers me. Anywho, He went away last weekend, all weekend, to this retreat thing (which is fine) but he makes plans and doesnt consider his family in any of his plans... now, he is making plans to go see his other daughter (who lives in florida) - I support him 100% with this whole situation, regardless of my feelings with this other women. But what gets me is he doesnt even consider bringing me and his daughter... he says he doesnt wanna spend the extra money - but what pisses me off is that he was talking about going down with his friend (a guy) a couple months ago - so what gets me is that if he is willing to go down with him and spend the money why is it any different to go with his FAMILY??? - He just has not realized that...

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:19 AM on May. 20, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • Was he going to pay for his guy friend? Maybe he just wants to avoid drama with you and the ex, and it will cost more, and the baby is only a month...so ALL things considered it would be easier if he went alone. IDK seems like their are underlying feelings of resentment and your anger isn't from this one situation alone.
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 11:21 AM on May. 20, 2009

  • Guys are clueless. End of story.

    Ok, so seriously...it's like they don't have the common sense that would clue them in that they need to help out with the kids, spend time with the family, make them a priority, etc. I hear you loud and clear...sorry I don't have any advice...just empathy. :)
    goldenfox

    Answer by goldenfox at 11:22 AM on May. 20, 2009

  • things are no longer just about him and him doing what he wants... i understand its about him going to see his daughter but its just that he doesnt consider me and our daughter in any of his decisions and just goes because ill be home with the baby.... and when he does watch the baby for whatever reason, he pawns her off on other people - like his mom or someone... i just feel like he thinks he doesnt have to help or deal with his daughter - i have no problem taking care of her without his help - yes it annoys me but i have no control over it and regardless my daughter is cared for..... but am i wrong for saying to him that he needs not be so self centered and he needs to realize that it isnt about him and what he wants and that he has to think about his family before his friends in situations??
    its an on going thing and i dont know how to come to a common ground with him or gain more acceptance with the person he is...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:22 AM on May. 20, 2009

  • and about the other women... i am cool with her... we talked for a while and we are fine, we get along and we actually talk more than they do.... so its not about him avoiding drama with me and her...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:23 AM on May. 20, 2009

  • You aren't married. You are only his girlfriend. Yes one of the mothers of his children but not his wife. So him clearing things with you is pointless. Whether you agree or not he's still going to do what he wants to do. As for him going to Fla to see his other daughter why would you go? She is his daughter not yours. She is also his family and it's her turn to be first.
    Chrissy629

    Answer by Chrissy629 at 11:30 AM on May. 20, 2009

  • I'm sorry. It may be that he is feeling the tention between the 2 of you as well, and just wants to escape for abit. Not saying it is right what he is doing, but women tend to want to spend more time working it out, and men take the opposit approach and want to get away from it. They also have aharder time with babies in general as newborns and infants, not all, but some, and most get better as the baby gets older. Try to talk to him about some of this stuff when you arent fighting and especially about the other guy maybe going. Doesnt he think nmaybe his daughter might like to meet her new sibling for the first time? GL
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:30 AM on May. 20, 2009

  • Its hard for me to take a side on this one. If he was actually helping and being there for you and the baby i would say just let him go. I have times where Im at home (prego) and he wants to go out, I dont want him to go but I just have to say yes because he needs to be able to have his alone time and I as well. On the other hand hes not taking care of home like he should..you should follow your heart. If it was me I would use this time to have a great weekend planned with the baby, take a walk, maybe try and get a babysitter to have a day with the girls or something. Do something for you. Dont know if that helped lol but hope so...
    moodymommy193

    Answer by moodymommy193 at 11:31 AM on May. 20, 2009

  • I feel your pain, but if your daughter is only a month old, Dad may not be all the way comfortable about handling her so much while she is so small. I had a father and grandmother tell me that they would watch my child when he was potty trained. How funny, but true. I didn't ask either one of them to watch him until they requested, but this is the freedom that dad's get. To make a long story short, my son's dad or other family has no issues with keeping him now because he if fully potty trained and speaks very well. In the other case, communication is the key, if your guy can't communicate any better, it will continue to cause issues in the relationship.
    msdivamoma

    Answer by msdivamoma at 11:39 AM on May. 20, 2009

  • Tough one gurl. But maybe he does not want you in the middle of all that drama. But stay cool with her. Find out info. Then you can also do the same thing, like go away for a long weekiend.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:40 AM on May. 20, 2009

  • I think the problem is that he doesn't think of you as "family." You think in those terms, but he doesn't. He's still thinking in terms of his being single and free to do whatever he likes, whenever he likes. I don't think you have any power to change him or your situation, and while that is very sad, you do have the power to not allow yourself to be bothered by what he does or does not do. That's the power you need to start exercising. The more you beg and plead with him to act like you are "family" the more power you are giving him. I would not so demean myself. He's already got 2 "families" and he will likely have more. All he needs is one more willing partner. I call that having your cake and eating it, too. That's not how I want to live my life.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 12:10 PM on May. 20, 2009

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