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Am I selfish to want my baby's father to be there for me?

My fiancé has 2 kids from his previous marriage & said that I'm selfish & childish when I was very upset that he wouldn't stay w/. me @ my house last night after having complications w/. my pregnancy (bleeding for over a day straight & bad pains). My ob had me get another ultrasound & though the baby's heart was beating, I was told the sac was irregular. His son wanted to stay w/. him & he won't allow his kids to stay @ my place because of his X's threats, so being as it is, I spent the night alone & very upset & told him how I felt. He said his priority is his responsibility to his kids. When I asked him if our unborn baby counted, he said no because it is not born yet. Is it just me or is his answer very cold & cruel? Or am I being childish & selfish?

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Chrissychicy

Asked by Chrissychicy at 1:39 PM on May. 20, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (12)
  • I don't think you're being selfish at all. He helped make the baby, he's in this with you. That is cruel of him not to concider this child just as much in need of him as his others are.
    TabathaM

    Answer by TabathaM at 1:41 PM on May. 20, 2009

  • No!
    shaklee_momma

    Answer by shaklee_momma at 1:43 PM on May. 20, 2009

  • Wow, what a responce from hime. That was RUDE and CHILDISH on HIS behalf. He needs to be there for YOU and his kids at the same time. Now my question is this, what is going to happen when this baby is born? Is he NOT going to stay with you bc of his exs threats?

    SweetKYmom

    Answer by SweetKYmom at 1:52 PM on May. 20, 2009

  • No i dont think you are being selfish, and yes that was very CUREL! Born or unborn that is his child and it is still "living" I would have a longer talk with him, and let him know how you feel. If it continues i wouldnt put up with it. If he acts this way towards you now, how will he act once the baby is here and his other kids want him to sleep over. It would be one thing if his other children really needed him that night, but just to sleep over, he could have staied until his son was asleep and then came over, or even talked to his son about why it is important for him to be with you right now (if his son is old enough). But no i dont think you are being selfish in any way!
    babymaddy

    Answer by babymaddy at 1:56 PM on May. 20, 2009

  • sorry but he's a loser for you.. perhaps not for his first kids but for you right now as you describe it. all i can say is big fat loser! and no i don't think you are being selfish. and just how long does he intend to let his ex dictate his life. ? until marriage? then what.. will same rules apply?
    Aasiyah

    Answer by Aasiyah at 2:46 PM on May. 20, 2009

  • so you need to sit down and have a conversation about him, you, your unborn child and his children plus that EX of his. And come to an understanding about where you guys stand and what the future really holds? i do understand his not wanting the kids to stay over.. (some moms are really crazed about it and he doesn't want to lose his kids) but you are at fiance stage (not chicks or girlfriend) so what will happen when your child is born.. when you do get married? will he still be threatened by his ex? drama.. dang im sorry you are going through it. keep pushing girl and now that you are not alone.
    Aasiyah

    Answer by Aasiyah at 2:50 PM on May. 20, 2009

  • not selfish but naive for thinking he will be there now or in the future. He's showing where his priorities are...with her and his kids from her. This doesn't sound promising.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:51 PM on May. 20, 2009

  • No you are not selfish at all. He needs to be there for you 100%. He helped make that baby and just because you are carrying it doens't releave him of any duties! You are right and he is completely wrong!!!!
    twinmommy416

    Answer by twinmommy416 at 3:11 PM on May. 20, 2009

  • actually that is how men think. for most men the baby isn't real until they can feel it in their hands.

    And yes his responsibility is to his children. You should be happy that he has such a love for his children. It means that his love for YOUR child will probably be just as strong.

    However it is not very nice of him to treat you like that. He should have spent time which his kid another day. It is very insensitive for him not to seem to care that you may be losing the baby. I had the same thing happen to me and I did lose the baby. DH didn't want to talk about it...not because he didn't care but because men think that real men shouldn't show their emotions on their sleeve. Anyway it was NOT selfish of you to want him there. And it is rude of him to act like that towards you.
    SandraRh

    Answer by SandraRh at 3:20 PM on May. 20, 2009

  • i agree with anon. i don't think this shows a good man and no wonder he is divorced. my husband thinks his unborn child to him is the world. i can do anything for myself unlike you with your bleeding but my husband does anything i want. he loves this baby to death and says that he just can't wait to see how she or he will look. what your man said is very cruel and just plain wrong in so many ways. honey i think you screwed up letting him screw you. i have a feeling he will not be there and that you will be left sadden that he has not taken to the new baby and you. it doesn't sound as if he loves you at all. most men when babies are born still don't father defining the term dead beat dad and sperm donors. maybe you should consider giving this baby to a family that has both the father and mother there for the long haul. unless you want to be a single mother with a dead beat man. he's just making excuses for not being a man.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 3:38 PM on May. 20, 2009

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