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missing my daughter so much

my daughter died in 2007, and i can't get over it, i think daily, on having a terminal disease, or heart attack, or someother heatlh problem as, i'm such a coward to commit suicide, how long do you think this will last? i have talked to counselors, and church, nothing helps, its like having to put a smile on your face, or someone will think your losing it, act like evertyhing is fine, and cry into the pillow nightly, or in the car when i'm alone, or in the shower.........

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:55 PM on May. 20, 2009 in Religion & Beliefs

Answers (14)
  • I am deeply sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine what you must be going through. Maybe you could join a support group for parents who lose children. You may feel better by being surrounded by those who are going through it too. I am so sorry - I will pray for you.

    Answer by pattigioeli at 2:01 PM on May. 20, 2009

  • I don't think you do get over something like that. I have not lost a child, but even the fear of it is enough for my heart to break into a million pieces. Is there a group you can go to? My mother lost a son (before i was born) to THIS day, she cannot say his name without crying. I have seen her at times, cry in the solitude of her room & wonder if it was becuase of Andrew. She went to a group where parents had lost children. Although her pain never went away, she had somewhere to go to cry, & have others understans her feeling. She had made life long friends in her group. If there is something like this available, maybe you should give it a try.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 2:02 PM on May. 20, 2009

  • My entire family had great results from this new therapy (well not that new we did it 11 years ago)...find someone in your area and go through the treatment. I will pray for you in the mean time. May God bless you and help you find your peace.

    Answer by mamakirs at 2:12 PM on May. 20, 2009

  • (((Hugs)))

    My brother died at a very young age. His death will always be hard on my parents. My Mom is a devout Catholic so I know that that has helped her a lot. My Dad has a harder time with it because he is not a religious person but he does believe in God.

    My parents have 4 grandchildren who I believe have given them strength, too.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:17 PM on May. 20, 2009

  • I don't think anything ever heals such a wound. We're not supposed to outlive our children. Perhaps you can get involved in a group that she would have supported. I know of one lady who is a Girl Scout leader 10 years after her daughter died. She said it helps to still feel that connection knowing how much her daughter enjoyed scouts. She thought her daughter would approve of her helping other young girls the same as it helped her growing up.

    Answer by baconbits at 2:20 PM on May. 20, 2009

  • Theres no "right" length of time to grieve. And its not something you just 'get over'. But, maybe you are having a hard time letting yourself feel happiness? Maybe you feel as though you don't deserve to be happy and start moving forward again? Like that would be a betrayal of your daughter's memory...but it wouldn't be...

    I don't know your religion (I'm Agnostic) but I do think that Every religion agrees that good things happen after you die. Heavan or reincarnation or peace until the ressurection,etc. So, maybe try to find your peace in knowing that your daughter has found peace also. Allow yourself to start a life without her in it.
    Try hearing her voice (or what you think her voice would be) telling you that its OK to move on. Try thinking of what you would want her to do if the situation was reversed. Having "her" be your guide through a life without her may be what gets you through until you meet again...
    Good luck

    Answer by ozarkgirl3 at 2:48 PM on May. 20, 2009

  • I am so, so sorry for your loss. I don't think it will ever get any easier. Have you spoken to a therapist or counselor? You may be able find help to deal with the grief. Just know that your daughter is in a much better place where she will never get any older, never get sick, and never hurt again, and someday you will join her in peace and tranquility.

    Answer by jennijune_21 at 2:57 PM on May. 20, 2009

  • I am very sorry for your loss. i lost so many people in my life... within a short period of time i know the feeling of being in a bottomless pit. I give praise to God that he guided me to his religion because it saved me. i had 3 terminally ill people, 2 suicides all within 6 months time period and the two suicides were my best freind who killed herself over problems with her hubby and my boyfriend at the time who killed himself. after these deaths, i didn't know what i was doing or where i was going. I was sad beyond words.. some how, i was sent the best relief in the world and that was the Quran and the Religion of Islam. through it i learned to cope, to understand death and to know that death is something that will touch us all and we will never ever really lose the person, we only lose the body.

    I think you need to find a support group and begin to surround yourself with things you like to do... find new friends

    Answer by Aasiyah at 3:04 PM on May. 20, 2009

  • begin new hobbies. remember your daughter not through the loss of her but through all the shared experiences and ask God to guide you, ask him to help you. seek refuge from the devil who loves to see you downtroddren and beaten. This is your life, you need to learn how to find a space that provides you the tools to live it. It will never bring back your daughter but letting yourself live aimlessly is not allowing yourself to live a full life for yourself and others around you. Get a new counselor!

    Answer by Aasiyah at 3:07 PM on May. 20, 2009

  • It's not the same as losing a child, but at the age of 12, my mother witnessed her father kill her mother. Five years later, one of her brothers was shot & killed at the age of 19. She's in her 60s now & has never gotten over it. She says you never get over something like that.... you simply find a way to live with it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:53 PM on May. 20, 2009

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