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should i cut contact with my dad?

I never got on with my dad. Parents divorced when i was ten, it was never good. He cheated, beat my mom and did drugs. We never had money and had to get food from the church. I got married at 19, had a baby at 21 and my dad and stepmom came back in my life. I figured they changed and wanted to be in their grandchilds life. Well, it was all for show. All to look good in front of their community and friends. They dont care about seeing her unless its in public. They never come to my house. My stepmom wanted me to come to her work to show off the baby and i said ok, in the afternoon, i have a doctor appt and i am signing up for classes. She never congradulated me on going back to school, never asked was i ok, but asked if i could cancel my appointments! I am sick of them acting like i should cater to them. My dad hasnt changed either, but he doesnt use anymore and doesnt abuse with his hands, he uses mental and verbal abuse.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:19 PM on May. 20, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (10)
  • As much as I would like to say no to you...I have to say yes..
    Try to keep the negetive people away from you and your daughter..
    so he is not doing drugs anymore but he is still abusive is enough to not
    have contact with him..
    I am sorry that this has happened to you.
    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 3:22 PM on May. 20, 2009

  • what makes it worse is that the reason i had to wait untik now to go to school is because they paid for my younger sister to go, but not me because by time i was 14, i decided not to deal with his abuse.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:29 PM on May. 20, 2009

  • No. People like like, even blood, is very shallow. Keep your distance, and heal yourself. Let your dad make the first step toward you. Best yet, give him time to think and ask why the separation. If he is serious about his apology, he will make his approach to you.

    If you make the first approach, he'll just repeat the same ol' same ol'. No need to reopen wounds.
    BlueSaphire

    Answer by BlueSaphire at 3:35 PM on May. 20, 2009

  • You need to tell your dad, in no uncertain terms, how you feel about him and the way he acts. IF you can't deal with him face-to-face, I would write a letter, make a copy, and send it to him. No one should have to take abuse. Be respectful in the letter. We must always be respectful, no matter how we feel. And then I would not let him in my life again. He needs to realize that his behavior is unacceptable. I am so sorry that you have to go through this! People can change...my dad did, but my dad has a STRONG Christian wife who showed him what life could really be like. My dad finally realized God was the only one worth truly living for. Now my dad's family really loves him. Mom is proud of him. And God is dealing with him to show him how to get even better!
    singnstitch

    Answer by singnstitch at 8:52 PM on May. 20, 2009

  • no i wouldnt get involved in that.
    lawla

    Answer by lawla at 11:19 AM on May. 21, 2009

  • I agree with singnstitch. Give the whole matter to God he'll work it out for u.
    threetimesaroun

    Answer by threetimesaroun at 4:03 PM on May. 22, 2009

  • This may be your father's attempt to do the right thing even it is not as it should be. You are a grown woman now. You call the shots. You do the inviting and arranging if they want to see the baby. If you don't want to cancel something you can express that. Keep your cool and be the bigger on. If he has truly cleaned up his act then try to work with the situation. He is still your dad. grannywilson
    grannywilson

    Answer by grannywilson at 5:08 PM on May. 22, 2009

  • I cut my father out of my life.. I am 19 and pregnant with my first..and my father hasn't done anything for me or my sister but my sister still wants contact with him and I told her that's great for her but I don't.. You don't need that kind of negativity around your children and
    SweetPea102689

    Answer by SweetPea102689 at 6:54 PM on May. 23, 2009

  • yup, cut em loose
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:50 PM on May. 25, 2009

  • cut them off
    mekarevell

    Answer by mekarevell at 12:46 AM on Oct. 18, 2010

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