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What if your husband told you ...

that you were a burden to him? We have had ongoing problems for 4 years because of his unhealthy attachment to his children who are both married and have kids of their own. He sometimes calls them up to 15 times a day. If he can't reach them, he dials them over and over until he finally gets them. They have not liked me being in the picture since day one. I got along great with them until DH and I got engaged. They have been disrespectful to both me and my little girl. The other night, his daughter called (Mother's Day) and didn't say HMD or ask me about my day or anything ... just asked if she could speak to her dad. What would you all do?? By the way, we have been in counseling for 2 years but he won't do what they say. They have thrown their hands up and said there's nothing they can do.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:57 PM on May. 20, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • If he's not willing to work on things, and admit to any things he's done or not done that have contributed to your problems, then there isn't a whole lot you can do. It takes two people to create problems, and two people to fix them. Sometimes only one person creates them, but it still takes two to fix them.

    I'd give him one more shot to help you try to work on the marriage, and if he refuses, I'd take that to mean that he doesn't want to be with you anymore and you should work on getting yourself and your daughter set up in a new life, without him. I hope it doesn't come to that. Either way, good luck!
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 7:01 PM on May. 20, 2009

  • Is their mom stll around? If not, that could be a lot of the problem.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:03 PM on May. 20, 2009

  • Sounds like he has a problem and is blaming you for it.
    LovinEveryDay

    Answer by LovinEveryDay at 7:03 PM on May. 20, 2009

  • Thank you tropicalmama. I appreciate your thoughtful response.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:04 PM on May. 20, 2009

  • He got custody of them when they were small. He raised them. They are close with their mom now though.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:05 PM on May. 20, 2009

  • I agree with tropical mama...he's not willing to fix the problem. It doesn't sound like a healthy situation for you or your daughter.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 7:06 PM on May. 20, 2009

  • Honestly?? I would divorce him. That's me though. He seems to have an unhealthy attachment to his kids. Doesn't his kid's husband and wives think it's odd that he's calling that much in one day?? Obviously he's not interested in making changes and outright insulted you(his WIFE). If he's telling you your a burden why would you want to stay anyway?? Not to mention the fact that you have a little girl(I don't know how old she is) and I'm sure she feels the tension. No disrespect to you, I hope everything works out for you but I would leave him. Good luck!
    jasey929

    Answer by jasey929 at 7:06 PM on May. 20, 2009

  • He's not willing to work with you, or with marriage counselors.... yea that's a bad sign.
    guitarlove

    Answer by guitarlove at 7:33 PM on May. 20, 2009

  • How is his relationship with his children? Did they stop speaking to him and thats why he's calling them and trying to rebuild a relationship? I think he is taking out his anger on you, he may be guilty about something to do with his kids. Overall I think he is being insensitive. You all should seek counseling and fast.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:41 PM on May. 20, 2009

  • His daughter gets an attitude when he's treating me like he should in front of her. My daughter (11 yrs) wanted to sit in his lap the other day when his daughter was around & he made her get up & sit on sofa. Counselors said he treated her like surrogate wife. He stood up for me at first (she didn't even want me escorted down the isle at her wedding) but she married and moved a few hours away and now he won't say anything to her to make her mad.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:05 PM on May. 20, 2009

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