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I get no attention from my DH!!...TMI

I ma so tired of being depressed that I can't stand it.My DH is laid off and getting unempoyment.At first Ilike the thought of him being at home but, now, not so much.I have to beg for sex and whe we do I have to start the foreplay or he just rubs a breast and gets to it.He has found a hobby and wants me to get into it (flying toy planes) but it's just not my thing.He buys me one or makes me one but, doesn't do anything or get me anything that I really want.I try to appreciate the thought but doesn't ever really go out of his way for me. He spends most of his time in the garage and only really speaks to me if I speak first or he's talking about his darned planes.I've tried the candles thing and sexy thing.I've straight up asked for attention.Nothing works.The other night I asked him to rub my feet because they were killing me after working all day and he straight up said no,Like always.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:02 PM on May. 20, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • the rest of the story.........
    He forgot my birthday last year and I get not so much as a card for any other holiday.I know money is tight but,I have told him his words and actions mean more than anything he could ever buy me.How do I get him to think of me more? I want to feel special to him and I feel like I'm the nanny/maid/booty call when needed. I want to feel like our relationship means something to him. Like I mean something to him. The only time he tells me what I mean to him is when we get in a big enough fight he's scared I'll leave. What do I do ladies?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:05 PM on May. 20, 2009

  • start treating him the way he treats you. if he misses supper will you set the table at X-time and if he's not there oh well. If he wants sex... you're too tired....

    Get in his face about it.
    NoahsMomma418

    Answer by NoahsMomma418 at 8:08 PM on May. 20, 2009

  • If you find the secret let me know cause my dh has been like that for years.
    sadira29

    Answer by sadira29 at 8:09 PM on May. 20, 2009

  • The only person whose actions you can control is yourself. You are relying on your husband for something he is unwilling or unable to give. So you must alter your expectations and desires or continue to suffer.

    This all sounds cold, but it isn't intended that way. I am sorry for your suffering and wish I had some way to fix it other than adjusting yourself. I hope you can work it out. I wonder if counseling would help. Or if you don't like toy planes if there is something else that both of you would like. or can you talk yourself into liking toy planes. When he lost his job he lost part of his identity and motivation, if you could steer him toward volunteer work, maybe, or toward taking any job that he could find, it might help him.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 8:27 PM on May. 20, 2009

  • We do mosteverything together. This has probably been the first thing I just eally don't enjoy. But, when he finds something he likes he lets it tkeover him and it affects our reltionship because on top of not getting much from him then I get even less. He says he feel like failure when i bring all this up and that's why he's like this but he doesn't put much effort into finding a job and if I don't bring it up he's perfectly happy in the garage with his planes. I love himwith all my heart and can't imagine being without him but, really, I need more from him. I need to know that I'm special to him. I need him to go out of his way for me......to show that he thinks of my likes and dislikes too. I feel like he doesn't know me.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:39 PM on May. 20, 2009

  • read the book Men are from Mars and Women from Venus or go to the website. It will explain why he's doing what he's doing. He's coping. He's in his "man cave". Those airplanes are a gesture to you and you are not getting it like he's not getting you want your feet rubbed.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:01 PM on May. 20, 2009

  • He is depressed, period. This is something only he can fix about himself, not you. At least he made you a plane and tried to get your interest, most men would not even do that. Please dont take this wrong but maybe you asking him for attention may be making it worse for him. When you are depressed you really dont want to do anything, and these planes may be his "thing" to help him through. My DH is a SAHD because most all of the IT jobs he was qualified for went overseas and he got laid off. He went through a long depression because he couldnt find a job, and now everything he learned in college is outdated for the newer technology. He got into making his own bicycle, repairing small motors, building his own radio, etc... - see what I mean? He is trying to find his own purpose in something to make himself feel good. Seems to me your DH is doing the same thing. Contact your doctor and talk to him about going.
    dragonfly7271

    Answer by dragonfly7271 at 9:01 PM on May. 20, 2009

  • Oh, and btw we eventually found something we both like - diamond hunting/geology. We go one weekend each month in the summer/fall. It;s something our whole family enjoys!!
    dragonfly7271

    Answer by dragonfly7271 at 9:03 PM on May. 20, 2009

  • If you want attention, you have to give attention--the kind he likes. If you want him to do things with you, you have to do things with him--the things he likes to do, like flying an airplane. If you want him to talk to you, you have to talk to him about things he likes to talk about--like airplanes. If you want him to love you the way you want to be loved, you have to love him the way he wants to be loved. Selfishness will kill your marriage. You concentrate on making him the happiest man alive, and you will be rewarded. You keep complaining that he's not what you want him to be, you can call the hearse, cause there's going to be a burying of a marriage.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 11:01 PM on May. 20, 2009

  • Ok NannyB....I hear you but, you aren't listening to me. I do all those things and more. I do everything else he likes to do, this has been the ONLY thing to come up and I;m sorry but, I don't think its selfish for me to dislike 1 thing he likes. I do let him talk to me about his planes I never said I didn't but, when that's all he has to say to me it gets a little old. I have been the best I know to be to him and feel that I give him everything he wants.........so I'm sorry but there is no selfishness. I just want to feel the same love and affection that I give to him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:07 PM on May. 20, 2009

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