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Should I go to my stepdaughter's 16th birthday party that my kid's can't realistically attend and leave them with a babysitter, or stay home with them, or take them and hope for the best?

We were supposed to have a "sweet 16" for her, but her mother backed out and is now having a surprise party at Dave and Buster's, which from my understanding is probably not going to be much fun for my little one's ages 6, 6, 7, and 8. I am partly just so upset about not having the sweet 16 because it was very important to her, and feeling rather pouty about the whole thing. I hate to exclude the little ones but am afraid with a 2 hr drive each way, and a long night, they would be more miserable than have fun.


Asked by kimpossible39 at 11:16 PM on May. 20, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (8)
  • It seems you should be more at issue with the birth mother. She seems to be more concerned about herself and being the center of attention, than of her own daughter's happiness. (This is from a daugher of parents who divorced when I was two, and played games just like that my entire life.) Unfortunately, you have to "work" with ex-es when kids are involved to make sure the daughter is happy. Having a "surprise" party at Dave & Buster's or Chucky Cheese is a joke for a 16 year old. (Dave & Buster's is just like Chucky Cheese, but no singing mouse, and they serve beer). You should one up her, not show up, but buy the SD a car. Your kids are a top priority, would feel rotten about being excluded, and the Mom has put you in that situation by being the witch that she is. ALL your kids are important. Don't go, stay with your kids, and ALL of you plan a party 2 hours away from her Mom, where you give her a car / spa day, etc.

    Answer by Sabrinas777 at 6:39 AM on May. 21, 2009

  • It never hurts to take a break from the kids. Enjoy the trip with dad and play around on the trip up and back. You two can celebrate the sd's sweet 16 on your own en route!

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:20 PM on May. 20, 2009

  • i think, being 16 not long ago *last yr. lol* that u should stay home with the kids. let her have her fun party. its no offense to u, shell juss feel cooler if ya know what i mean

    Answer by momma323 at 11:26 PM on May. 20, 2009

  • It seems like a big deal now, the whole sweet 16, but she will be fine. She will enjoy her night, either way.

    Maybe you could stay home with your kids for this but take your SD out for a day of whatever. Maybe a spa day or something just for the two of you to celebrate her?

    Answer by prettylilrae at 1:05 AM on May. 21, 2009

  • Ummm... I'm just curious about the whole Dave and Buster's thing. I went when I was 17 and had to be "escorted" by an adult over 18 the entire night. Maybe it's changed in the past few years, but that doesn't sound like fun to me at all... to have your parent glued to your side the whole night. I would mention that to her mom.

    I would not take your kids, simply because you have to stay with them the whole time. I know you probably wouldn't let them far out of your sight anyway, because of their ages, but they can ask you to leave. I say go, and spend some adult fun time. She'll need all the adults possible so she's not stuck with just one all day! Good luck!

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:32 AM on May. 21, 2009

  • I have taken my nieces and my daughter to Dave and Busters and they have a blast every time that we go (ages 9, 10, and 11) so I definitely think that your kids will have fun there; however, 2 hours each way is a long ride, so I would be reluctant to bring the kids because of that. What kind of relationship do you have with your step-daughter? Is it really important to her for you to be there? If so, then I would try to get a baby sitter for the kids and attend alone (if that is feasible).


    Answer by CocoaQT at 5:35 AM on May. 21, 2009

  • Most importantly though, do something to make the SD happy, not your own selfish intentions. 16 is when kids start to feel like adults, do something adult-oriented, and let the SD get involved with the decision. Invite the Mom, of course, just make it very inconvenient, so in the future maybe she'll have some concern about EVERYBODY involved, not just herself.

    Answer by Sabrinas777 at 6:41 AM on May. 21, 2009

  • I would go, and not take the kids, and if you want, have a little sweet 16 party later.

    Answer by toyota at 6:45 AM on May. 21, 2009