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abusive MIL

if your mother in law use to hit your bf or babys father when he was younger would you let her watch your child? even if you dont know if there still abusive or would hit her grandchild...? i say no but my bf wants me to let her watch our daughter...

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em9x

Asked by em9x at 9:12 AM on May. 21, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (7)
  • That is a personal decision you need to make. How does she act when your around? Most grandparents wont spank their grandkids as they feel its not their job unless they are taking a big roll in raising them on a daily basis. My mom used to beat our butts all the time and has only spanked my nephew 3 times and he is 5. She has never smacked any of her grandkids the way she did us and she only spanked him for lying about what he did. I would see how she is, maybe leave her for 30 minutes and work you way up
    brailynsmama08

    Answer by brailynsmama08 at 9:16 AM on May. 21, 2009

  • Also discipline is not abusive, only if she was using excessive force to punish him then it would be abuse. Such as punching him, hitting him with objects, or going above and beyond a few swats to get him to listen. Abuse is usually excessive and not a means of correction its a means of fear and if he not scared then you should trust his judgement.
    brailynsmama08

    Answer by brailynsmama08 at 9:18 AM on May. 21, 2009

  • Depends on what you consider abuse, if you consider a swat on the ass or a spanking abuse, then you have to go with your gut. But if she ACTUAL abused him, (punching, beating, emotional, etc.) then I wouldn't let that woman near my child
    Zakysmommy

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 9:25 AM on May. 21, 2009

  • I would absolutely refuse. No consideration whatsoever. Nobody who has an abusive history would ever stay alone with any of my children while it's still my choice.

    Do not feel bad about it.
    ladysavage

    Answer by ladysavage at 9:27 AM on May. 21, 2009

  • My husband didn't like it and it sure won't happen to our son. She not only doesn't watch him, she has no contact at all with us or our child because she's so crazy! Don't feel bad, go with your gut, protect your baby. You'll regret it if something happens!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:38 AM on May. 21, 2009

  • My dh mother and father were both alcoholics...my mil was still drinking heavily when we had our son...when we told her we were pregnant...she left the room to grab a bottle of tequila to help her through the discussion. We had many fights over this and many episodes of her not speaking to us for months at a time. Here's what we did: started out with 1-2 hour visits with us staying, then at about 9 months we'd leave him for 1-2 hours, and once he was able to speak and talk to us about what they did together we would lengthen the time. This way we could feel her out and see if they could handle our son appropriately. It helped us regain confidence in them and yet never neglected them from seeing him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:59 AM on May. 21, 2009

  • You should talk to him about his views on abuse. He may feel like a lot of parents on here feel that spanking is not abuse. As for her no she would not be watching my children because the first time she put her hand on my child for any reason other then to love them she would have a broken arm.

    Chrissy629

    Answer by Chrissy629 at 1:31 PM on May. 21, 2009

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