Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

All he does is cry

My 8 month old is a slight terror. He cannot be set down for very long without getting mad, he throws a fit when you change his diaper or clothes and he gets VERY angry when he is crawling around and you pull him away from cords or other things he should not touch. My soon to be ex-husband says that I need to lay him down in his room and just let him scream and I feel that this is abusive because he will literally scream for a half hour if you let him. I am going crazy though in that I can't do anything while he is awake and I can't even distract him with a baby einstein movie long enough to eat or take a shower. Should I really just let him scream or is there anything else I can do, I really am tired from carrying him around all day everyday. Thanks!! :)

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:16 AM on May. 21, 2009 in Babies (0-12 months)

Answers (10)
  • Well, firstly, I can see why he's soon to be an ex-husband, that's just plain awful advice.

    Do you have a sling, or any other type of soft carrier?
    Slings and wraps and back carriers are a life-saver for lots of moms who are busy, but have a clingy or fussy baby.

    Apart from that, my only other advice is to learn how to cook/prepare food one handed (you get veeery good at this being a mom..) - and take bubba into the bath with you.

    Answer by ladysavage at 9:20 AM on May. 21, 2009

  • Stop picking him up. Let him cry, he will be fine. Our daughter is 8 months as well and she gets mad and when she throws a fit we let her. She has learned she is not going to get her way. We tell her 3 times no and if she continues then we tap her hand and remove her and give her a toy, if she continue to scream and cry then she sits on the floor and cries. She wants to get carried 24/7 but I can't and wont do it. She can either crawl or cry, I pick her up when its an upset or hurt cry and not just a spoiled cry. Give you son some toys and sit him on the floor while you shower, if he cries he will be fine, peak out at him and make it a game of peak a boo or something. You need a break and carrying him all the time is going to do a number on your back, legs, feet and arms. You shouldn't need a sling or anything, use both your hands as that is what they are there for. He will learn he is fine, and the crying will stop

    Answer by brailynsmama08 at 9:30 AM on May. 21, 2009

  • Let him scream it out. He will continue to scream every time he doesn't get his way if you continue to cater to his crying. Obviously you shouldn't let him scream if he's hurt or if it exceeds half an hour.
    My experience: My son threw a tempter tantrum for all the same reasons, I pulled him away from power cords or other dangers, if I looked the other way for 5 minutes he'd scream, turn himself red, throw himself on the floor and throw a fit. I finally had to start ignoring him, not for long, obviously, but if you don't give him attention for misbehaving, then he'll stop doing it. If the screaming persists for more than 20 minutes, offer him a new toy. Chances are he's forgotten why he's screaming in the first place. Give him a new toy, something he's never seen before, and that might give you a few minutes to eat, sit down, whatever you need to do. It took me a while, but my son will play on his own an hour or so. GL!

    Answer by BisketLiss at 9:34 AM on May. 21, 2009

  • I agree with the moms previous answers let him cry it out, it will not hurt them. My boys are 1 and 2 and I let them cry if thats the situation. If it gets too bad i lay them down on thier bed and they cry for a while either eventually they stop or I get them and they have calmed down. So its up too you, you can keep up hold him all the time and have no time for anything else or you can let him learn not to act like that.

    Answer by Rebeccaroe at 9:46 AM on May. 21, 2009

  • A baby, which is what your son still is, is programed to need bodily contact with Mom. What you teach him when you are readily available to him is that you will be there when he needs you. He learns to trust you. A lot of the time, yes, he just wants you, but he is your baby. He loves you. When babies are left to cry, their brain gives them the signal to release stress hormones. If stress hormones are release continually or for excessive amounts of time, babies survival instincts kick in. What you will have is a baby that turns emotionally inward, a quiet complacent baby, that does not trust and who will have trouble dealing with stress into adulthood. When you "give in to" your baby, they are more confident as toddlers & children. I have an 8yo, 5yo & 7mo. I hold this baby constantly, shower with her, cook with 1 arm, don't get much cleaning done, but the time will soon be gone.  Try a carrier.


    Answer by carlye828 at 10:05 AM on May. 21, 2009

  • I have to disagree with most of the advice, he is still quite little and is just learning what 'no' means. I don't think letting him cry is the solution. Every single child is different and he sounds like he is more on the sensitive side and needs more reassurance. He is looking for someone to play with and love him. Get down on the floor and play with him. Take all possible bad things (cords, etc.) out of the picture and then it won't be tempation. It is tough having a child that needs a lot of attention, but it is such a short time that they need you like this. Let the laundry and such slide and take showers after he goes to bed. You just have to try and make work for you, but I would not reccomend letting him cry it out, he is simply too little. Best of luck!

    Answer by kboney29 at 10:23 AM on May. 21, 2009

  • Questions like these always seem to have the same two answers: let him cry or get a sling. Figure out which one you'd feel comfortable with and go with that.

    I wear my daughter and find that she gets the attention she needs and is able to play independently because of it. The sling is seriously a lifesaver for us for those days she just needs mama.

    Answer by mkemom519 at 10:33 AM on May. 21, 2009

  • Do I think you should just let him scream everytime you put him down for hours and But you also can't pick him up all the time either. He's starting to learn cause and effect, and realizing that if he throws a fit you'll give him what he wants. You have to find a happy balance. My daughter started acting the same way. What I did was sometimes when she would cry I'd sit down and play with her till it was time for bath, food, nap, whatever. Other times I would put her in her pack and play or excersaucer and go do my thing. She'd cry but eventually find a way to entertain herself. Now she doesn't get upset when I put her down to do something. As far as taking dangerous things away... LET HIM CRY! He needs to start learning that when you take something bad away that it's a no no. It'll break your heart, but you can't make it seem like you have a problem disciplining behaivor that can hurt them. Good luck!

    Answer by HaydensMommy708 at 11:26 AM on May. 21, 2009

  • I know people disgaree with this, but my very young daughter (she's 11 weeks today) was like this for the first 8 weeks of her life, I thought I would lose it! She literally did nothing but cry unless she was being held. I decided to lay down the law (some will think I'm cruel) a little and let her CIO if there was nothing wrong with her. Now she's much more independent and sleeps in her own crib, sits in her swing, etc. I don't know if the fact that I put her down and sort of made her enterain herself for a bit helped or if she's just older and calmer now. Anyway, I had nightmares of dealing with a 6 mos-2 year old who would be like this so I tried to get her to kick the habit while she's still young.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:30 PM on May. 21, 2009

  • Lay down the law? Kick the habit? It's a baby, not a criminal! Babies need the love and support of their caregivers, not to be told they need to learn how to be by themselves. They don't even know what that means! All they know is that they want their mom, and she's not there. If a baby is secure in the fact that they will get their needs met, then they will be better at transitioning to being independent later on. Meeting their needs is not going to start a habit, it's going to show your kid that you are there for them and they can depend on you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:28 PM on May. 21, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.