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Not really a question but I don't have anyone to talk to...

Things have been really bad between DH and I lately. It's not like he's a bad person, we just haven't been getting along lately and I am heartbrokeken. I feel like a complete failure and idk what to do. I feel like a bad mom because I am so unhappy and I cry every day. I feel like I am being unfair to my little girl. I suppose the one positive is that we don't see each other much. He leaves for work before we get up in the morning and when he gets home i take a shower and go to work. He's usually in bed when I get home, which is a relief. I work late and usually end up sleeping on the couch because he snores. On average, I sleep about 4 or 5 hours a night but it's not good sleep so I am usually grumpy all day, which I know contributes to us not getting along. I feel that things are so bad because we haven't talked to each other but I'm so hurt that I put up a mean front, which makes it harder for us to talk.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:45 AM on May. 21, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • I'm sorry that things are going so poorly, but it sounds like you know what you need to do to solve the problem. You need to open the lines of communication between you, talk to him, tell him you need more sleep.. and that he needs to look into a nasal remedy for the snoring :P

    Good luck, hun, I hope everything works out.
    BisketLiss

    Answer by BisketLiss at 9:49 AM on May. 21, 2009

  • OP- I guess I just don't know how to make it better. Maybe deep down I don't want to make it better. I just feel at a loss. When DH and I were dating, we were so happy and now things just suck. Part of me feels like DD would be better off without me. I wouldn't be better off without her but being a parent is about doing the best thing for your kids and I don't feel like I am the best thing, or even a good thing for her.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:49 AM on May. 21, 2009

  • You need to stop being so down on yourself, for one.. by the sounds of it what you need is a good consult with a marriage councilor and maybe treatment for depression? I don't want to come off as sounding rude or anything, you know, but you do sound depressed. I'd look into it.
    BisketLiss

    Answer by BisketLiss at 9:52 AM on May. 21, 2009

  • Is it possible you could be suffering from depression? I think you should call and make an appointment to see a therapist. Maybe they can help you see what the problem is then reccoemnd a good marriage therapist. All marriages go through its up and downs. Your little girl would not be better off without you! She needs her mommy to be healthy and happy! Do you and your spouse have any time alone? Maybe you should have a regular scheduled date nite or time alone. Also the snoring thing could you suggest he see a dr to see if they could help the snoring so you can actually get some sleep in your own bed.
    okmommy08

    Answer by okmommy08 at 10:03 AM on May. 21, 2009

  • Listen, there is nobody better suited to be your child's mom than you. You need to put it into high gear because your child is observing and learning. You and your DH need to grow up and act as adults. Not talking to each other isn't going to help. Stop pouting over whatever it is you are and think about this: This is your life, your child, your family and your marriage, get in the driver's sit of your own life and make good things happen.

    If you need to see a doctor, so be it, if you need to see a counselor, so be it, if you need a divorce, so be it, if you need somebody to slap you into reality, so be it. When you became a mom, you gave up your right to be sorry fo yourself, your child need you so step up and be the nest mom you can be. It isn't fair to you or to your child, this life is beautiful if you have the mental attitude to find beauty on it. Healthy child, perfect child, what else do you need?
    bebita

    Answer by bebita at 10:04 AM on May. 21, 2009

  • I agree with BisketLiss.

    Take care, OP.
    LuvBug3

    Answer by LuvBug3 at 10:05 AM on May. 21, 2009

  • I agree with the above, but it also sounds like you both are working opposite shifts so you don't have the time or opportunity to spend quality time together. I think it is hard for a couple to put so much into making a family work and ten you get resentful because neither one is showing the other appreciation. Maybe you need more time together. You need to see someone to work on you and maybe set up a schedule where you eat dinner together and have family time everyday together. It wont get better if you dont spend time together.
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 10:07 AM on May. 21, 2009

  • OP- Thanks for all of the input. I guess I'm kind of wondering if it's worth the effort. I'm really not a fan of conselling, either alone or with someone else, and even if I did go, I would have to bring DD so it would kind of defeat the purpose of going. I am more of a bottle-it-up girl. It's not like DD is neglected. She is fed, she has nice things, she gets attention, I just don't feel like I'm the best person for her. And I have issues leaving her with other people even though i know it's good for her and she loves it. DH and I have plans for tomorrow night but I'm not sure I even want to go now. And next week is our anniversary and he basically doesn't want to keep our plans. I took off work for us to spend time together and it doesn't matter to him. I guess I'm just trying to figure out if it's all really worth it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:50 AM on May. 21, 2009

  • Nobody but you can answer that but your child is definitively worth it. There is so much more then making sure the children have their needs meet. Picture life without her for a second, then you will have a complete and renew appreciation for her. The lost of a husband is tolerable, the lost of a child is not, so get yourself in the motherhood groove and don't think in terms of her needs are met, that is simply doing the bare minimum.

    Get to a point in your life where you can actually get exited about life and enjoy your child regardless of what is going on with the dad. That is between you two adults. Your relationship with your husband should have no impact with your relationship with your child.
    bebita

    Answer by bebita at 11:58 AM on May. 21, 2009

  • Bebita- I do enjoy my child and we do have fun together. I'm not saying that I am going to pack my stuff today, leave and never see her again. I just feel responsible for things being so bad between DH and I. And I feel like he is very judgemental of a lot of things I do with her. I am with her all day, he's with her for 2 hours. I just feel like everything is falling apart around me and the one person I would normally turn to could care less. Forgive me for feeling like an incompetent failure and venting. I just feel sad and alone and i have noone I feel comfortable talking to.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:00 PM on May. 21, 2009

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