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My husband and I have different views of discipline. My two year old gets into things he shouldn't and screams when you take it away. I think that this is something that should still happen, even though my son is a screaming two year old. My husband believes that I should just give whatever he was holding back to him to shut him up. My husband also doesn't want me to spank our son because that just makes teh boy holler. I am at my wits end here, any suggestions? Should I just give into my husband and allow my son to run wild, or should i fight for what i believe in?

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Asked by samanthaevans at 2:47 PM on May. 21, 2009 in Toddlers (1-2)

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Answers (6)
  • No, girl stand your ground. I learned that we are going to disagree with how to raise the kids. But one thing I didn't budge on was giving something back after it was taken. That will give your son the idea that if he whines, fusses or screams that he will get whatever he wants. And you don't want that to happen because he'll continue to use that method. Spanking, I admit I was against it at first. Now, I spank and do time out. When time out doesn't work, I pop that butte. Not hard enough for someone to call CPS, but ust hard enough to go through that diaper and be felt. BOL

    Answer by Danni143 at 2:54 PM on May. 21, 2009

  • I agree that if you take something away he wasn't suppose to have, you should stand your ground. He'll get over it and learn that he can't have everything he wants. However, make sure you're choosing your battles appropriately.

    I disagree on spanking. I have a 2 year old and I can get him to listen without spanking him. I find it hard to justify spanking (i.e. hitting) him while at the same time telling him it's wrong to hit. Too confusing a message.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:07 PM on May. 21, 2009

  • Maybe a compromise. No toddler is going to react positively from having their hands go from "got something" to "got nothing". Can you try giving him something he CAN have in exchange for what he SHOULDN'T have? This worked for our niece. If he still won't give it up, then of course you have to take it. We don't spank, but have started putting our 2 y/o in his room when he's throwing a fit. We tell him to calm down and then he can come out and then we leave the room (door open). The first couple of times, I had to shut the door (and made him stay 2 mins), but now I don't. He cries for a bit, then comes out all peachy, usually NOT interested in whatever it was that got him in there in the first place. We used to do the 2-minute time out, but then he'd scream for 2 mins. This way HE can choose to calm himself, and come out in 30 seconds or however long he chooses before calming down. We're like, Hi! Glad you're back! It's great!

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 3:20 PM on May. 21, 2009

  • Stand your ground and be consistant. I would start with timeout first for the screaming fits. I tell my 2 yr old that whiney girls go to bed and make her sit on her bed till she calms down. She hates it.

    Answer by valerie0103 at 3:21 PM on May. 21, 2009

  • What forms of discipline did you discuss before you decided to have a child? It is critcal that parents be consistent with discipline or you will have an out of control monster on your hands. Our view on spanking is this: when you strike another human, it is an act of violence; when you spank a child, you are sending the message that sometimes violence can be the solution to a problem; either this fits with yoru world-view, or it does not. Appropriate forms of punishment are: time out / one minute in the sad chair or sad corner; putting a beloved item in the closet for an hour. With a toddler, sometimes you just need to redirect and get them interested in something else. When he screams, you can tell him to sit in his room until he is calm and finished screaming. When you take away a forbidden object, and then give it back, you just lied to your child about it being forbidden; he learned that when he screams he gets his way.

    Answer by rkoloms at 3:24 PM on May. 21, 2009

  • My husband and I also have different views, however, like yours - they are a different type of unrealistic - he thinks at 1-1/2 if you tell our son NO 1 time, he should "get it" and says he has listening issues because he doesn't - gets overly mad about his tantrums when they are normal kid tantrums - I think you should stand firm honey because in the end, if you DO give in to your husband he'll end up blaming you later when you have a 7 year old brat screaming for what he wants all the time instead of a 7 year old that understand he can't always get his way and he has learned how to deal with it

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 4:58 PM on May. 21, 2009

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