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What would you do if your daughter is living with birth mom and the birth mom is so angry at you because you want them to come home?

The birth mom was about 10 years ago an addict, now she is clean, but her other daughter's boyfriend is a drug dealer (according to my daughter). So in an email I stated I wanted her to come home and not to forget us. I also told her that I didn't know if I could visit her in that home because of the area (but really because of the boy that is living there). So what would you do??????

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 3:46 PM on May. 21, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (26)
  • If I had a daughter, I wouldn't want her in that environment.

    The birth mother is a freak!

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:48 PM on May. 21, 2009

  • Thank you for answering question. This bm cannot accept that the government took her children away and we had nothing to do with that. We did not come on the scene until 6 years later. I want better for my daughter than welfare, drugs, and illegitimate children.   Also she accused me of buying my children.  That's funny most of my clothes are from thrift stores.  We bought my son new shoes , but he hasn't had a lot either. Am I wrong????


    Answer by Anonymous at 4:08 PM on May. 21, 2009

  • If there are drugs in the environment, and you don't feel safe even visiting there... if your daughter is a minor, why is she there to begin with - adopted or not? If your daughter is an adult, it's different - and you have to love her thru it.

    Good luck to you.

    Answer by AAAMama at 4:34 PM on May. 21, 2009

  • What's wrong with having children out of wedlock? Don't fill her head with that archaic nonsense. I can understand the drugs issue, but public assistance is there to help and having children out of wedlock is not a crime. Don't brainwash her into thinking having children illegitimately would make her a bad person.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:35 PM on May. 21, 2009

  • Why is your adopted daughter living at her birth mom's house? Is she of legal age? Is she visiting for a bit in the summer, and you don't like the birth mom's other daughter's boyfriend near your adopted daughter? I can understand if that's the case, I am just trying to figure out IF THAT IS the case. I'm guessing from your info that your daughter is at least 16....

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 4:43 PM on May. 21, 2009

  • Is your daughter still a minor? I can completely understand your concerns but if she is "of age" you cannot force her to leave there or to stay with you?

    Adoptees can be super sensitive to rejections and being put into "either/or" situations. Are you sure that she isn't reading more into your concerns about the environment? By saying that you cannot come visit her because of "the area" is she taking that as a judgement against her birth mother (and therefore also her)?? Make sure that you continue to separate your feelings for her from your concerns about the environment she is in.

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 4:46 PM on May. 21, 2009

  • No, my daughter is 18 years old. She really is a good kid, but right now she is going through a tough time. She is pregnant, and she wanted to get married, but the her boyfriend's mother was against it. (Which may have been a blessing, because they fight all the time). Her birth mother is sick physcially also with uterus cancer and a brain tumor. She has been there to help, but she is due any day. I really feel bad all this has come out, I just want to talk to my daughter, no hard feelings and no drama.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:51 PM on May. 21, 2009

  • OP - so she's there to help out her birth mother who can two types of cancer? You've got to trust that the values and what you have instilled in her will take her through this.

    As an adoptee, I would do anything to be there for either of my mothers (birth mom and adoptive mom). I guess, what would you want her to do if it was you who was really sick and happened to be living in a not-so-nice area?

    It's tough that she's also pregnant during this time - poor thing, she has a ton on her shoulders right now (and you too). Brain tumors can really impact a person's thought process and emotions so keep that in mind when/if the birth mom is venting.

    Is your daughter refusing to talk with you?

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 5:10 PM on May. 21, 2009

  • She says she is there for her bm, but on Mother's Day her bm was rushed to the hospital because her blood became toxic and she was with her boyfriend. She never went to the hospital to see her for a couple of days...????????????????????

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:53 PM on May. 21, 2009

  • This whole thing is a mess, I just want to see my daughter, but now for sure I can't visit, because I didn't know the bm was so angry at me. I will keep in mind all that she has gone through. I do not want my daughter to sever her ties with her bm, but I don't want her ties with us to be severed either, because we really do love her!!!!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:00 PM on May. 21, 2009

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