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How can explain to my boyfriend how I feel without sounding b**chy?

I stay at home with our baby everyday all day, when he gets off work he plays his stupid game/fixs on his dirt bike, when our baby cries "honey can you get him", when I sit down to read a book or take a bubble bath he's all "honey can you hurry up he needs you, we're hungry", or something so that I can't relax. And he feels like staying home and taking care of a baby and a house isn't work.

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tyreezmommy

Asked by tyreezmommy at 6:11 PM on May. 21, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (10)
  • At that rate, I wouldn't worry about being bitchy. One morning I'd just wake up and say, this is mommy day! This is where we reverse the roles while daddy does everything mommy normally does so that mommy gets a break. Then when he comes to you asking for things during the day I'd remind him "this is mommy day remember, a day for you to see what it's like to be me. get it yourself." (kindly of course).

    I did it to my husband a couple of times. After not being able to go to the bathroom whenever he wanted to, changing explosive diapers a couple of times in a row and not being able to do anything without lugging a 20lb baby around....he got the picture lol.
    NovemberLove

    Answer by NovemberLove at 6:17 PM on May. 21, 2009

  • (it might work best on a day that he has off. If he protests that he's tired and it's his day off, remind him that you don't get a day off from your job). Just be very pleasant about it. Treat it like a special event or day, not like a chore. Get him to go along with it.
    NovemberLove

    Answer by NovemberLove at 6:18 PM on May. 21, 2009

  • Yeah I know what you mean. My husband nearly thirty years later is still like that. Give him an ultimatum that he helps you or he's gone. Don't say your gone cuz he'll say so what. Tell him you work twentyfour hours every single day and he works x days and x hours per day. And he just got a second job of being a daddy. When i don't get caught up in family life myself those statements have worked with my husband. The daddy has to know that you will go after him for payment and support if he leaves, 'your lawyer' has told you to do that say for extra emphasis if you need to. He can be a daddy with you and baby in his life or he can be a daddy with out you and baby in his life by only paying for support without seeing baby often. Ask him what's his choice. Also definitely try counselling so he can get help understanding your needs some what early in the relationship with baby and you. You are allowed his help.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:20 PM on May. 21, 2009

  • He does work all day, which he considers his job. He considers the household and baby yours. He likely also keeps the car in shape and does other guy stuff around the house- fixes the plumbing or something like that, the yard, maybe. However. your "job" is 24/7, and you deserve a break. Just as he can take a break when he gets home, you should have some scheduled time off. One evening a week, or a morning or afternoon on the weekend seems reasonable. During this time if he doesn't want to watch the baby, you should hire a sitter and have your alone time- whether it is going out or having your bubble bath. You both work hard, but remember that your child won't always be a baby, so this situation isn't forever. Right now it is hard, but it will get better in time.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 6:22 PM on May. 21, 2009

  • I usually don't take a bath or read a book until baby is bed. When baby is sleeping that is my time. I can clean, or take a nap, or do whatever I feel like. It took me about a year to get to the point where husband coming home and doing whatever he wanted to didn't bother me anymore. I just look at it like a job. Everything is my responsibility and that is just the way that it is. It is not my child's fault that I brought her into this world, and she shouldn't have to suffer just because I am worn out. Besides I am strong enough to pick up the slack, and if I don't like it, I just won't have any more children. Yes is sucks, but it really is not worth the argument.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:40 PM on May. 21, 2009

  • I totally agree with November, because I too have done the same thing to my DF, and guess what it worked!
    hautemama83

    Answer by hautemama83 at 6:42 PM on May. 21, 2009

  • You can't change how he feels about things. No matter what you say he'll look at you with that dazed and confused look that basically says "wtf?" He has no clue so just blurt it out but do it with your inside voice and he might listen.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 7:39 PM on May. 21, 2009

  • I actually told SO that everyday Im going to be taking some "ME" time after he gets off work, I will make sure the house is clean and the babies are fed and changed and whatever. I told him he will have an hour to relax than I will be taking an hour to relax. babies aren't here yet so we will see if that works
    Breezy1988

    Answer by Breezy1988 at 8:03 PM on May. 21, 2009

  • J.M.O. I feel sorry for the May 24th ? person! Here's the real deal! That's what men are like. Thats why we are the bixxx's. But the big picture is men work hard and so do we! I asked my husband "what do you work so hard for?" He just kind of looked at me! But I told him ... You work hard so you can come home and spend time with your family! He got it right then. I have not heard anouther thing about him working then coming home and watching the babies. That's Life! THIS IS WHAT WE SIGNED UP FOR! Equally! We switch night's sometimes! But mostly we do it together! Thats what families do! Do you want my husband to talk to yours for you? It's okay with me.
    AlyConMom

    Answer by AlyConMom at 8:45 PM on May. 21, 2009

  • you know what I did when my SO did that to me? I made up a list of everything that my baby needed, where it was, how much to give, etc.. so he no longer had any excuses.. I started out small.. like taking a bubble bath when DD was down for bedtime or nap... and worked up to a night out with the girls. Worked out great for me :).
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 10:50 PM on May. 21, 2009

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