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Any advice to help my 9 YO daughter start listening!

We are a house of three girls ages 3,5,9. It seems all they do is fight. My 9 YO wants to be the mom and boss her two younger sisters around. I have tried talking, explaining that she is not the mom, I try my hardest not to get into a screaming match with her it gets us nowhere. But how can I create a happy house, with out all the screaming, and talking back?


Asked by Anonymous at 8:02 PM on May. 21, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • It is normal behavior for the oldest of siblings to over-run Mom territory at times. On one hand, you've taught her to look out for the others, watch them, protect them, be their buddy, since your child was 4 yrs old! So now that the others are growing up, she doesn't know where the boundary lies. You will have to patiently tell her again & again. Now you are dealing with a 9 y/o who is too immature to know that YOU can handle it now, not to be the mom to the other 2. She sees, she reacts, it's ingrained in her now. That's a hard switch to turn off, and if something even NOW were to happen to the 3 y/o, like she goes outside the house w/o permission, you'd be all over her for not stopping her if you were in the bathroom or whatever. This happens in our family constantly. My little 4 y/o niece "mothers" my 2 y/o FS, it's normal, especially for girls. Have patience, it'll get better eventually. Hang in there!

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 8:41 PM on May. 23, 2009

  • Spank her behind and give her time outs.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:56 PM on May. 21, 2009

  • I think that you need to go with a combination of rewarding postive changes and taking away priveledges as punishments. Bossy? No TV for a day, etc.
    When you spank a child (strike another human being) you are sending the message that sometimes violence is the solution to a problem; if this fits with your world view, then spank...

    Answer by rkoloms at 9:05 PM on May. 21, 2009

  • I have done this and it works.....EX.Dillon is 12 damy is 10 I can be telling damy something I want him to do Dillon will just take over tell Damy you do this or that;; you can't have that; put it back,get out of my room;;,just I am THE BOSS type thing.........I now wait for Dilllon to get thru his boss attak Then I say now Damy beings Dillon BadBoss knows all about it YOU go (do whatever else something maybe Dillon would rather do) Because Dillon BadBoss is going to do whatever he just got into bossing around Damy about........He at first would fuss but after I insisted he would do the job. He still comes in sometimes and starts the arguing all I have to say is Bad Boss wanting to do this? I think I can handle this with our you....He will usually walk away......

    Answer by lacylady at 11:27 PM on May. 21, 2009

  • Personally I think 9 is a little old to be spanking, although if you think that would work then try it. I do agree that positive reinforcement is a better way to go. I would also talk to her and see why she thinks she needs to be the boss. Listen to what she is telling you and try not to yell, while she is doing this.

    She may think there is a good reason for her to be this way. If it does not stop then I would try setting up a chart. Mark on the chart when she is not listening and take something away, like she can't go to a friends house. The when she is good, mark that on the chart and reward her with something.

    Kids tend to be visual and this might help.

    Good Luck

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 7:21 AM on May. 22, 2009

  • Here is the issue, do not give permission or have your nine year old babysit I mean if you use older kids as the watcher or babysitter then your only making matter worse with the challenge if they should have authority over the siblings. Perhaps it is time to explain that you are the parent, only you may discipline and scold and what not to the siblings. I have dance kids that have these issues are always bossing others around, however, I generally place these kids in my student assistant program (helping me work with younger kids ages 2-5) and often find that helps them learn how to guide, lead, and approach kids in a more positive manner rather than the negative... Fact is being bossy is negative, but encouraging is more positive.

    Answer by TheFriskyKitty at 8:34 AM on May. 22, 2009

  • First, whisper everything to her. It is unexpected because she is used to hearing yelling.
    Then, you can calmly explain to her that because she wants to be the boss, she needs to know how to do everything in the house. That means she will do everything that needs to be done, then she will have the experience to be a good boss. Make a list of what she will learn, and teach her. Have her job shadow you for a full day, including doing her siblings' chores. After all, you (mom) had to do EVERYthing before your children were old enough to help, right? Give her a taste of what it is like to actually BE the boss, and not just be BOSSY.

    Answer by happiday at 12:16 AM on May. 23, 2009