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What would you do if your 13 year old ripped up your babypicture out of anger?

My step son was mad and in anger he ripped up a babypicture of me. What would the consequence be for him? He has a camping trip coming up and I was thinking maybe that should be taken away or else he doesn't get to play with his basketball, bike etc for several weeks. What do you think? It seems like when he's disciplined he gets more angry and resentful. My husband (the bio-dad) is the one who corrects and disciplines, but I was wondering what you think? How would you handle this sitiuation?

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Asked by 3kidsatonce at 9:57 AM on May. 22, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

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Answers (12)
  • i would take away all of his enjoyable toys. video games,basketball etc. and give him a lecture how disrespectful that was. did he apologize?

    Answer by NewLady1 at 10:13 AM on May. 22, 2009

  • He ripped up a baby picture? This is a personal attack out of anger. He needs counseling or anger management classes. Taking things away is not going to help this. If he is a step child he has been through at least one divorce and maybe more, his parents are not together, his dad has a new honey. He has a right to be angry. He needs to learn how to handle the anger. Taking things away won't help and taking a way a camping trip sounds more like your need for revenge rather than an actual form of discipline. You're over reacting. He needs help, not more punishment and misery.

    Answer by kemclaughlin at 10:15 AM on May. 22, 2009

  • Kemclaughlin is right.

    Answer by LuvBug3 at 10:25 AM on May. 22, 2009

  • Actually l was talking to someone at work and they suggested this
    1- he has to pay for the restoration of the picture
    2- since he violated me he has to do my chores for the week - ie vacuum my car, do the dishes etc.
    I thought these were good ideas

    Answer by 3kidsatonce at 12:26 PM on May. 22, 2009

  • I would not punish him but there should be logical consequences for his actions. Obviously he was mad at you for something. It doesn't justify what he did, but maybe instead of making him "pay" for what he did you work with him on a solution. The primary goal is to strengthen your relationship with him as well as using this experience as a way to find solutions to problems.... like teaching him the correct way to behave when he gets upset. Punishment doesn't accomplish any of these goals. Instead it causes him to have even more resentment towards you, hurts your relationships with your, creates distrust, and does not help him figure out how to deal with anger. Listen to him. Ask only questions about what happened and do not blame. Let him explain to you what he was feeling and what was going through his head when he acted out this way. Then after he is done ask him what he thinks you should do to find a solution.....

    Answer by Precious333 at 12:47 PM on May. 22, 2009

  • Anger management before he attacks you personally, physcially attacks YOU. I like the idea of him paying to have the picture restored.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 12:48 PM on May. 22, 2009

  • cont.... remind him that you lost something valuable and that you would like it to be replaced if possible. Let him know how you were feeling about what he did. Where you angry? hurt? etc. Maybe you both can work together at getting this resolved. It will really help strengthen your relationship with him, don't you think?

    Answer by Precious333 at 12:48 PM on May. 22, 2009

  • I would tape the picture back together, scan it, fix it, and get over it. It's only a picture. Obviously he resents you. That's the problem you need to be working on. Not taking away a trip for something to trivial.


    Answer by Chrissy629 at 4:48 PM on May. 22, 2009

  • He needs to know he is loved and right now he feel unloved. Anger comes out when we feel that way. I would have him help you put the picture back together. I wouldn't do it right away. Let him have a cooling period. Then talk to him about how it made you feel and ask him why he decided to do this. He is obviously hurting from the divorce no matter when it happened. I was 4 when my parents split and it wasn't until my teens that I blow up and did not so nice things to my step mom. He needs tenderness and love not punishment. I think helping you put the picture back together would be hard enough for him.

    Answer by Shaneagle777 at 8:44 PM on May. 22, 2009

  • Oh judging from the other response I am so going to get bashed for this but yes I would say he does need to be punished.If I were to destroy someone elses property because I was angry I would get in big trouble .Arrested court proceddings etc . You cannot allow the child to grow up thinking that his actions have no cosequences or else he will make for a very irresponsible adult with no condsiderations for others feelings.
    To many parents these days are afriad of hurting their childs feelings and try to act more as a friend then as a parent . IMO thatswhy the majority of teens tody have no respect for other people . But hey like I said its JMO.
    How ever on the other hand I do agree that he has some anger issues and therapy and or consuleing maybe benefical for him. So Id say deal out some sort of a punishment it extra chores paying for restoration of the photo etc .But alos make an appointment for therapy

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:24 AM on May. 23, 2009

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