Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

My MIL not loving mine and my husbands kids, like she loves my husbands and ex wifes son.

My husband has a little boy that we get from Thursday to Sunday every week. I love him to death and we are both very good to him. And I am also 5 months pregnant. Well, all she ever talks about is my stepson.. How pitiful it is that his parents are divorced and all that. And although I do feel for him, he has a wonderful life with two families that love him. With our child, she has mentioned that our child will have a good life, because both parents are together, so she doesn't have to be "grandma" to our children like she is to my stepson. And that hurts because I feel like my kids will eventually notice it, you know? I'm also VERY mad at the whole situation. My hubby has said something to her about saying that to me, and all she says is.. She's being as fair as she can be!!

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:19 AM on May. 22, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Wow...this is my life. Except me and my honey aren't married. He has 2 children from his ex-wife. They are royalty. The get everything under the sun, now in all fairness, his son (the younger of the 2) gets showered even more than his older sister, but "nana" always did have a thing for boys, since she had 3 of them herself and no girls.

    But then comes our daughter (she is 2 1/2 now), who gets treated like a bastard child. She doesn't think that she is his, and she says it out loud. She is at this point in time banished from her life on my account because of what she did to my daughter on her second birthday and every holiday prior. But the 2nd birthday was the final straw for me. She is now no longer allowed to see her, give her gifts, or have anything to do with her what-so-ever.

    I feel for you, it's very unfair and your husband has to stand up to his mommy and tell her to buck up or loose out.
    smilinghug

    Answer by smilinghug at 10:26 AM on May. 22, 2009

  • (Cont.) My honey's mom flat out told me and him that she doesn't think that our daughter is his, even though she is the spitting image of his other 2...it's not his. So every holiday she showers the kids with goodies and presents, we are talking around $300 of stuff for each kid, except for our daughter who gets a card and like a piece of candy (Halloween), or a card and a hat/mitten set on Christmas, a card and one little outfit that was too small on her 1st birthday, and a card and a cup and plate on Halloween, a card and a stuffed animal on christmas, a card and one mini bag of M&M's on Easter, and finally a card and a shirt bought at a thrift store for her 2nd birthday. All of the cards are signed with: FROM: SUSAN & KEVIN instead of Nana and Papa.

    Her second birthday was the last straw as I said before...I went out and got a paternity test done proving that he was her dad and sent it to her with a so long letter!!
    smilinghug

    Answer by smilinghug at 10:32 AM on May. 22, 2009

  • (cont) Because I refuse to allow her to treat my daughter different because my daughter will know, what's sad is that the other 2 know as well. The older daughter has a problem with it and has asked her nana why, Nana says, because Terpsichore (my daughter) isn't as important as you and Sam are because she was born to your dad after he was divorced from your mom and then "knocked-up" some random girl. That doesn't make a baby important, that just makes a baby. When a baby is born into a marriage of love is when a baby is important. These are her words to her granddaughter, about her other granddaughter. Darcy (the oldest) has since stopped talking to her "nana" as well. I always knew there was a problem, because she would always even before I got pregnant say things like, people who get divorced should never re-marry and have more children. They have a responsibility to not get that "involved" with someone else.
    smilinghug

    Answer by smilinghug at 10:36 AM on May. 22, 2009

  • (cont) The woman is seriously derranged! But it sounds like you are hearing the same kind of things from your MIL. When my little girl was a baby, we would take her down there to see her nana, and papa. One time sticks out like no other...my daughter started to sit up and pull herself up at 3 months (very advanced), she was strong and didn't want to be down. We (me and her dad) were all proud to show it to "nana" and her response was....geez Ron, why are you so excited it's not like she's special! Every baby does it sooner or later. Now...we weren't boasting, we were just trying to show nana that she was doing it...just like every parent gets proud when their baby reaches a milestone...they want to share it with their parents and loved ones right? But oh no...not since then. My mother on the other hand was thrilled, and she has 6 grandchildren prior to my youngest. So....it's all about attitude!
    smilinghug

    Answer by smilinghug at 10:39 AM on May. 22, 2009

  • (last one promise!!) When my honey talked to his mom about it (one of the several times) she simply says that she isn't going to change her mind because Terpsichore isn't his, so as far as she is concerned she shouldn't get treated like a grandchild. Mind you that she says this even though we got a blood paternity test to prove paternity, but in her mind she is not his because we weren't married, and even then, I wouldn't have been his first wife, so I still think it wouldn't matter! So I know that my situation is a little off from yours, but it sounds like your MIL has the same views. Only the children from the first marriage are "true children" of her offspring. I feel for you, because she will show preference to your stepson, and your child will know the difference. Congrats on your pregnancy...I wish the best of luck with this. Raquel
    smilinghug

    Answer by smilinghug at 10:46 AM on May. 22, 2009

  • Your baby isn't born yet though. It might change a bunch when the baby is here. Sometimes it is hard for grandparents and other people to get behind the fact that you are getting ready to have another human being. It is easy for you because the baby is growing and moving inside of you everyday. If she loves your step son so much and is a great grandma to him, she probably will be to this other child too, as soon as he/she is born. It sounds like she feels bad that your step son doesn't have both parents around, it is a sympathy for him, not a slap in your face. Just give it time and she will come around and love you baby in the same way. She just needs to meet him/her first!
    2-1CavWife

    Answer by 2-1CavWife at 10:46 AM on May. 22, 2009

  • I think you should give you MIL time. She is use to the mother of her first grandchildren and is probably angry that her son and ex divorced. Also maybe your hubbys mom and his ex are good friends and feels that she will always be her daughter, IDK, but anyway you just have to give her time to come around.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:50 AM on May. 22, 2009

  • i know how you feel. my SO has a 10 year old girl with a pervious relationship, he ahsnt been with her mother in 9 years, yet his whoel family still talks about he like shes a freekin GOD! also they make special trips to visit her when shes at our house< every other weekend> yet they never come to see our children together, dont even make it to their birthday parties...and they live maybe 10 mins away.... i hope when my kids are older they will ask questions about why she gets special attention. and then i will have them ask their granny, because its her fault. and they deserve the answer from her...

    but the way i looka t it is my kids get plenty of love from my side of the family.... so why mess with a grandparent that isnt interested?
    2cuteboysrmine

    Answer by 2cuteboysrmine at 11:00 AM on May. 22, 2009

  • 2cuteboysrmine...is so right, which is why I wrote off my daughter's "nana"....why should I worry about swine like her when she gets so much love from everyone else!!!

    The sad thing for me is that my daughter loves going to "nana's" house, and I hate that she is MISSING a true grandparent. But...what can you do when the person doesn't want to be involved? You can't do anything but make sure that your kids are getting everything they need from so that they don't feel a void.
    smilinghug

    Answer by smilinghug at 11:17 AM on May. 22, 2009

  • I was in a similar situation. My EX mother in law will always be closest to Ashton, her first born grandson (not my birth son). I used to get real mad about it, that she favored him and all. But, now that DD is 7, i don't care as much. Grandma has gotten closer with DD, but will always have ashton as her favorite. I guess I'm guilty too, even though had 2 step children for a while, my daughter was ALWAYS my favorite. Can't help that connection sometimes. But your MIL seems like she doesn't even want to try. Give it time, your baby will warm her soul once she experiences the love & attention from him/her. She is just attached to her first grandson. Leave her alone, & practice rolling your eye's becuase there will be a lot of that going on over the next few years.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 11:22 AM on May. 22, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.