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I made a huge stepparent mistake, now what??

My 18 year old stepdaughter and I have became too close and too open, condoning drinking and drugs, seeing her make mistakes and not saying, hey stop partying, your going to get in trouble, just standing there and be the "Cool person" and am never cool. How can I get back to the hard ass I am with my own kids, after I have been "too cool" with her

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:44 AM on May. 22, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (4)
  • I would say just be honest with her! Tell her how its gonna be. You might not be close after but if that is what it takes for her to staighten up then so be it. If that doesnt work maybe you should get her dad involved. good luck
    Amanda7891

    Answer by Amanda7891 at 10:46 AM on May. 22, 2009

  • Be honest with her, your husband and, most importantly your kids. You need to own this mistake and let your kids know that this is not acceptable behavior.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 10:47 AM on May. 22, 2009

  • I would just sit her down and let her know her life style has to change. If she wants to go to college and have a good life, the partying lifestyle has to stop. being Cool does not mean you have to drink, do drugs, and have sex.

    You are the Mom of the house. You need to put your foot down and let her know it is not okay because you have your own children as well who are I am guessing younger than her, so she is not setting a very good example for the other kids. and you are sending a message to your kids that it is okay with you if they do drugs, drink, etc. I am not bashing you, but just telling you the truth as I read it.

    Tell her that things have to change and start planning for her future.
    2wndrfl_btrflys

    Answer by 2wndrfl_btrflys at 10:48 AM on May. 22, 2009

  • Well, its not going to be easy, but you have to start somewhere. I did this with my own daughter and then went back and told her I was wrong. Kids long for boundaries and really, she wants rules. I would just let her know that you made a poor judgment and you were wrong and then lay out the rules for her. Obviously you cant control everything she does because shes an adult, but you can make rules for your home. If you have younger children, she needs to know shes an example for them and that should make her want to be a role model. Then after youve said that...don't say it again. Just begin to BE that parent that you want to be. Let her know that you werent just talking, that you meant it. She might test you for awhile, but in time, she will respect you more than she ever did before. Being their friend does not build respect, it builts resentment. I have and still struggle with this too, so I know how you feel.
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 11:15 AM on May. 22, 2009

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