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Are step kids really this hard

I have 2 Step kids and one of my own with my husband. Ages 15,7,11 mons. the 15 yaer old i get along with she is a good kid. the 7 year old is my problem she is mean to me and my 11 month old. we only have her for the weekends. just last weekend she took my keys and hid them from me and did not give them back it took me two days just to find them and when we asked her she got in to my purse and get them she said "i dont know??" that was just this weekend. she has said more than once that she hates me and wishes i would just die.. im i a bad person becouse i just dont like her and dont want her around.. tell she can be nice. her dad dose talk to her about this stuff but it is not workingg\.... What do i do.. I love my husband but this is really hurting our marrige

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patlynn911

Asked by patlynn911 at 12:34 PM on May. 22, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

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Answers (7)
  • She is jealous. You are taking time away from her with her dad, and you are probably paying more attention to the baby than to her, especially since the baby is yours and she is your step-child. Maybe try letting dad spend some alone time with her, or you spend some "fun" time with her so she knows you can be fun and that you really do like her. I'm a step-daughter, and it's not easy on either end. That 7 year old is hurt that her parents split in the first place, then add all the rest and it's no wonder she is spiteful. Just try not to give up hun. It should get better.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:43 PM on May. 22, 2009

  • Step kids ARE hard! Young girls can make it particulary hard on a step-mom. Try to find things to do with her that she will enjoy and maybe bring her closer to you - maybe bake some cookies together or do an arts & crafts project. Try your best to seem unflustered by her attempts to get at you - don't let her get away with too much and let her know you are capable of handling her in a calm caring manner (take a parenting class if you need guidance or support). Try to remember she is just a little child and she is trying to test you. Also try to remember she has probably been through a rough time with her parents breaking up and she is maybe feeling a little uncertain about the situation and about you. It may be hard for her to trust you until she knows you better. I have also heard of church sponsored step-family retreats that might be helpful.
    TweenAndTwinMom

    Answer by TweenAndTwinMom at 12:49 PM on May. 22, 2009

  • ive been in the same boat for over 4 yars now.. and it hasnt gotten better... i met her dad right before she turned 6 and she jsut turned 10... thigns just keep spiraling.. when shes here every other weekend.. im a nervous wreck.. i wont even be in the same room as her.. which makes me miss time with my own 2 kids...
    2cuteboysrmine

    Answer by 2cuteboysrmine at 12:52 PM on May. 22, 2009

  • I'm a step parent to an 8 year old boy, and it is extremely hard at times and at times, it's great! the previous poster is right. I'm sure she's jealous, but mostly just being a butt because your the step parent. I'm a stepmom, and If I HAD a stepmom, I'd be a bitch, even being grown, I think! haha. She'll get over it. How long have you been the stepmom? But just a hint.. ALWAYS do things fun.. Going to the park, painting nails. just whatever she's interested in.. Get on her level too. My stepson and I have an amazing relationship, because although for the msot part I'm mommy (because his mom is so shitty) i'm also a friend. We play and pick on each other and have fun. I'm also stricter than his dad is, so that goes to show that as long as your fair and loving.. They come around! I hope it gets easier for you
    PeytonsMom21109

    Answer by PeytonsMom21109 at 12:53 PM on May. 22, 2009

  • i have been a stepmom for about 2years and we were dateing for a year and hslf be for we got married. i have tryede to play with her and do fun thing it has just got bad over the last year.
    patlynn911

    Answer by patlynn911 at 1:02 PM on May. 22, 2009

  • I am mean... When my SKids did the whole "I wish you would die/leave/etc." I always just answered with one of two things. 1. "I love you too" or 2. "Sorry, not going to happen, next request". After a while they got so flustered with option 1, they started to answer back with "I love you". For option two, they ended up making even sillier and sillier requests...
    One really bad fight the oldest and I got into.. He started out with "I hate you, I wish you would just leave" and I told him, sorry not happening, got another request?... He stopped and thought for a second and asked for a PBJ... So I fixed him one and we ended up having a long talk. Since that day, he and I have been pretty good... Thou we are entering the teenage years now... OI!
    Mi_Chelly

    Answer by Mi_Chelly at 5:45 PM on May. 22, 2009

  • Yes! Stepkids ARE hard. I have a stepdaughter, 15yrs. Honestly, whatever I invested to get along-more or less it was not successful. Often times this situation puts lots of tension in the family. We are all trying to make it as a happy family since 3 years. She is moving back to her mom now, which is not just the result of the getting along issues. She is unfortunately always in trouble-also in school. Perhaps all this has deeper reasons. I was hurt by her attitude many many times, but always tried to forgive and talk and keep the relationship open and honest.
    I wish you all the best in your family. It is hard to suggest something. Maybe family counseling isnt bad. This would have been our next step. Take care and stay strong.
    Yonca

    Answer by Yonca at 7:04 PM on May. 22, 2009

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