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Am I ruining my marriage by hating sex?

I have NO sex drive. I hate to have sex. It hurts and I feel guilty when we do it becuse he can tell I don't enjoy it. I feel guilty when we don't do it becuase I know he's frustrated. We have had sex about 10 times in the last 2 years. He won't cheat on me and says he loves me anyway. Can we have a good marriage with no sex? What should I do?


Asked by Anonymous at 8:30 PM on May. 22, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • It's a valuable part of a successful relationship but perhaps intimacy will work until you can figure out what to do. Perhaps a vacation alone with him? Maybe some mood enhancements, time together just to remember what it was like in the beginning with him. Maybe it hurts due to lack of lubrication. Try something that can help. Try different positions that might help. Try you being the dominant one. That sure gets my motor running! I have playtime with sex. If it's not fun I can't do it. The sillier the better. I love to laugh. (not AT him but with him) I love dressing up in different outfits and the more shocking the better. I get to not be "me" and be some other personae. I even bought a horse crop the other day to spank the naughty man's behind. I won't really hit him but it is the thought that is exciting. Great sex is mostly mental anyway. Get your "mental" in gear and the rest will be a breeze...or an orgasm! woo hoo

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:25 PM on May. 22, 2009

  • Although sex should not be the most important part of a relationship, I do feel it is very important. Personally, I don't think I could be in a relationship where I didn't have sex on a regular basis. Everyone is different, and whether or not your relationship can work without sex is something that you and your husband would have to figure out for yourselves, by discussing it together. Have you talked to a dr about the fact that you don't enjoy it and that it hurts? It may be something that has a medical cause that you can change something or somehow treat and get past this.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 8:37 PM on May. 22, 2009

  • Listen, I have felt like you sometimes, specially after I have a baby, even though I always enjoy sex, sometimes I just don´t have the desire, I am sure your husband loves you very much for what you say, but because of that you have to find a solution to your problem, he is a man, they need that type of conection to feel loved, we are emotional, buy they are more physical I don´t know if you understand me, talk to him, try to find a solution, it is not supposed to hurt, there are products that can help you, you can also suggest him what to do, you can have a good marriage, but it can always be better. Intimacy is an important part of marriage.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:41 PM on May. 22, 2009

  • He may get tired of it...I would look into counseling. I used to be the same way kind of looking at it like a chore. Maybe u need to do something to get in the mood watch sexy videos together, masturbate, just anything to get in the mood and make it more enjoyable. Sex isn't the whole relationship but it needs to be part of it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:42 PM on May. 22, 2009

  • The way I see it is, if he isn't getting it at home he will eventually get it somewhere else. Good luck!

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:43 PM on May. 22, 2009

  • I agree it's not the most important thing in a marriage but it is very important because what he doesn't get at home he will look for somewhere eles. And Im sure you don't want that to happen. good luck'

    Answer by incarnita at 8:50 PM on May. 22, 2009


    If you are on antidepressants, they may be "depressing" your sex drive as well.

    But please get your thyroid checked!! I had the same problem, and I found out my thyroid hormone was really low..I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism...started taking my sex drive is baaack!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:54 PM on May. 22, 2009

  • I will look into the thyriod thing. But I think my doctor checked it a few months ago. I'd love for it to be something like that.
    We've tried movies but they kind of gross me out. The girls are just trashy and they don't even look like they're enjoying themselves. The guys are gross and they treat the girls like crap. I don't know what to do.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:04 PM on May. 22, 2009

  • he will cheat eventually if you do not put out.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:39 PM on May. 22, 2009

  • did you just have a baby?because i know right after i had her 9months) sex was the last thng i wanted..also my sex drive diminished when i was on bc..that could be it as well. i got my IUD taken out and my sex drive has returned! but also is your husband good to you?not just in the bedroom but just the general way he treats you.? o know if the emotional is not there great sex just cannot happen.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:39 PM on May. 22, 2009