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Are there any other moms out there who are not single moms, but still feel like it most of the time?

It seems a lot of the time like I am the only one who takes care of our kids. My husband has a full time job, but nothing more than anyone else has. He usually gets home in the late afternoon, he even gets 3 days a week off. But I am still left to do everything else. I don't even have enough time to myself to take a relaxing shower. He will watch the two kids for me to take a shower, but everytime he says to me, "make it a quick shower" or "hurry up". If I am in the bathroom for more than 15 minutes he complains. Everyday I have to come up with something to do to entertain the kids since neither one is old enough for school. And 99% of the time I am doing it alone. Yesterday DH wasn't working and he refused to go to the zoo with us. It was completely free, so money wasn't the issue. He just stayed home for 6 hours and did nothing. While I struggled to care for two little kids all day. This type of thing happens all the time.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:52 PM on May. 23, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (8)
  • I feel it and you are not alone. My husband is in the Army, so he is away a lot. When he is home, he works long hours and is very tired when he gets home. I do most of the care for our LO. Her entire bedtime dinner routine, and the wake up breakfast one as well, lol. You are not alone!
    2-1CavWife

    Answer by 2-1CavWife at 4:57 PM on May. 23, 2009

  • I totally feel your pain. However, my SO is home on medical/disability leave... and still doesn't lift a finger around here. It's just easier to do everything by myself than fight with him every single day about things he should be doing. I'll be checking back here later to see what advices you get.
    ShadesofGrey

    Answer by ShadesofGrey at 4:59 PM on May. 23, 2009

  • My husband is in the military like 2-1CavWife. It sounds like she and I have similar situations. My husband works 10-14 hours shifts from 2pm til whenever he gets off. He works nights but he sleeps all morning long and by the time he gets up, it's time to get ready and leave for work. On the weekends he "cleans" but it never seems to get finished. I tell him all the time how he needs to spend time with his daughter, who is only 6 1/2 weeks old. He is leaving in less than a month to deploy and will be missing A LOT of her "firsts" which bothers me so bad, but doesn't seem to bother him too much at all. When he does watch her he just sets her in his lap and expects her to sleep. She constantly cries with him so I end up taking her b/c he can't ever soothe her. So no matter what, it's all me doing the parenting. I know how you feel and hope it gets better...for the both of us =) GL with everything!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:08 PM on May. 23, 2009

  • There are times when I feel like, but my SO works from home and I have a part time job to help make the ends meet. We have a routine that we have been sticking to for over 5 mos and it works well for us. I cover most of the meals and he does bedtime bath and I help get her dressed. This way while he is giving her a bath I can get a load of laundry going are start dinnner for us. You have to lay out you expectations so that it works for both of you. He has to understand that taking care of 2 children isn't an easy job and you have to understand that working full time you feel exhausted and don't want to do anything at home. You have to remember that with any relationship there is a lot of give and take. The best advice I got after I had my DD was from a neighbor and it was to suck it up b/c you will have to do most of the work no matter how many children you have.
    coala

    Answer by coala at 5:47 PM on May. 23, 2009

  • Before you and your husband decided to have kids, you probably set guidelines for childrearing and household responsibilities. It sounds like you need to revist that original agreement and hod him to his end of the bargain.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 5:59 PM on May. 23, 2009

  • I feel you. My Dh works full time and is currently looking for a part time job to. As it stands his hours are weird he works 5 days a week from like 9-6 so the majority of the kids waking hours. If he's off I'm working. We never see each other and only once in a blue moon are we home with the kids together while they are awake.
    But_Mommie

    Answer by But_Mommie at 7:34 PM on May. 23, 2009

  • My fiance is an inventor (aka has no job) and acts that way. Sometimes he sleeps all day long, complains about helping with our 4 year old and 3 year old daughters. Plays poker with his friends til 3am. He can be brutally honest and a complete butt head sometimes. But I love him. He loves the kids and I wouldn't change a thing about him. We're expecting daughter number three June 17th and I still do all the cleaning, shopping, cooking besides it's a woman's job to take care of the kids. The man should be the protector and provider. I don't care what he does and he doesn't care what I do. He makes money playing Texas Hold em' and that's about it! Besides he does things wrong and gets in my way when he "helps" so id rather he didn't help unless he wanted to. But yes it can get frustrating sometimes.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:42 PM on May. 23, 2009

  • i totally understand. my SO is the same way, i do the entire nightime and daytime routine. he will hold her and try to feed her but i have to ask him to do it. i am with her 24/7, and would like a bubble bath or an hour to go to the store alone.but he just lets her cry if shes not hungry.
    mayo9mommy

    Answer by mayo9mommy at 3:25 AM on May. 24, 2009

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